


Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance)

by ken_ichijouji (dommific)



Series: Water park 'verse [2]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, M/M, waterpark verse part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-06
Updated: 2009-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-17 06:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dommific/pseuds/ken_ichijouji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into _sixty-three pages of I don't even know what_.

_**Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 1/5**_  
Title: Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance)  
Series: Star Trek Star Trek Starrrr Treekkkkk...Reboot verse, specifically.  
Rating: PG/PG-13ish. There's swearing, but other than that it's okay.  
Summary: The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.  
Pairings: Jim/Bones, Spock/Uhura, mentions of previous Jim/Rand and Jim/Chekov (YOU READ THAT RIGHT)  
Disclaimers: Totally do not own anyone in this. It's purely for entertainment value, so please JJ Abrams and Paramount and people who handle Gene Roddenberry's estate, please be nice.  
Notes: For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into _sixty-three pages of I don't even know what_.

Credit where it's due, the idea for the Enterprise's ___ DAYS WITHOUT A DIPLOMATIC DISASTER counter comes from [here](http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/4532.html?thread=10905012#t10905012).

Also, it helps if you imagine Jim's inner monologue being Tears for Fears "Head Over Heels" on a loop. He just wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather, okay?

This is dedicated to [](http://cryogenia.livejournal.com/profile)[**cryogenia**](http://cryogenia.livejournal.com/) , as a thanks for all of her generous support and hand holding. ILU CRYO <33333333

No one was in the shuttle bay to see the man beam on board. He looked at his surroundings for a moment before heading over to a side console. As he whistled to himself, he slid a disk into the reader. Starfleet cruiser eh? It would do.

He made the appropriate keystrokes and finally entered the start command. It was at that moment that red lights began flashing over head.

 **  
_INTRUDER ALERT SHUTTLE BAY FIVE INTRUDER---_   
**

“Oh dear girl, I do wish you'd be quiet and let me stay on board.”

The alarm immediately ceased.

The man smiled.

\-----

“That's odd,” Uhura looked up from her station.

“What is?” Kirk came up behind her.

“For a second, the intruder alarm sounded. Then it just...died. Like nothing was there.”

“Maybe Scotty's tribble got loose again.” Kirk shrugged. “Keep monitoring the systems, and send a security team down there. Better to be safe than sorry.” He stood up from his chair and stretched. “I'm going off the bridge. DeSalle, you have the conn.”

“Aye, sir.”

She had nearly forgotten. “Captain, wait.”

He had just reached the lift door when she joined him. “If you need something Uhura, make it quick, I've got to take care of some things.” His communications officer handed him a packet. “What's this?”

“Mission briefing for Spira. We're due to arrive in a few days and I figured if I give the packet to you now, you might actually read it. For once.” The chipper tone in her voice belied the harsh words. Jim took the packet and thumbed through it before tucking it under his arm.

“Hey now. I don't get a chance because typically the ship's on fire or something. I don't do it on purpose.” She raised an eyebrow. “Well, okay one time I did but seriously that thing was over eight-hundred pages. No one should have to read that much about how eating with your left hand is a sin against God, it's barbaric.”

“Spock read the brief.”

“You live with Spock. That doesn't count.”

“Engineer Scott read it as well.”

Jim huffed. “Oh come on. What else is he going to do down there?”

“I'm just saying,” she shrugged. “The amount you get shot at, it would probably behoove you to read them once in a while.”

“Fine. You're right.” He sighed. “You're right, like, all the time. How do you do that, by the way?”

“Well, you make it easy when you're always wrong.” Uhura stepped backwards away from the door. “Do you have any further questions?”

“No, I think I got it. Thank you, Lieutenant.” With that, she turned away. After a couple of paces she suddenly stopped and turned back around.

“Oh, and Captain?”

“Yeah?”

Uhura's smile was soft and genuine. “Good luck.”

Jim smiled back. He didn't think he needed it, but it was nice just the same.

\-----

Hikaru Sulu honestly never thought he would see the day that this would happen.

There were all manner of things that had happened to the crew of the Enterprise in the first year of their exploratory mission and a lot of it involved things that had been unheard of for Starfleet. Sulu himself had been shot, stabbed, turned into a female, given three different types of radiation poisoning, turned elderly twice, and nearly froze to death during a mission that involved a transporter malfunction. And that was just him, he couldn't keep track of the weird things that had happened to Kirk and Spock.

So you'll forgive him if the fact that he had managed to horrify Leonard McCoy was something of a personal triumph.

“Chekov really killed all of your plants?” The doctor finally managed after a few moments of shocked silence.

Sulu grimaced as he recalled the devastation he had come back to after the mission on Argelius. “He really did. Some of them were over-watered, others were completely bone dry. The shadow orchids had been put in direct light. It was terrible.” He shook his head. “I didn't talk to him for four days. Kirk finally had to intervene because we were making the entire bridge tense. Suffice to say, I have Uhura take care of them now.”

Sulu came in twice a week for allergy shots, and as McCoy was the senior personnel physician, he was the one to administer them. Naturally, seeing each other regularly over the course of the last year had resulted in a friendship between the two men.

Sometimes if Leonard had nothing to do and Sulu wasn't due back on the bridge, they would sit and talk for a bit. The doctor found he genuinely liked the pilot, even if he was an idiot adrenaline junkie like a certain dumbass captain and best friend of his.

It was one of their rare quiet days and so they found themselves talking.

“Speaking of plants, who are the flowers from?”

“Hm?” McCoy looked at his desk, where there was a vase filled with red roses. “I've got no idea. They arrived this morning and all the card says is 'from someone who thinks you're special'.” He frowned. “Probably some idiot ensign that I patched up. It wouldn't be the first time.”

Sulu got a knowing look on his face. “Somebody likes you?”

“I guess.”

“But that's a good thing, isn't it? I mean, it's cute.”

The doctor snorted. “Obviously their taste is questionable.”

“You sure are a big fan of that self-depreciating humor stuff,” Sulu remarked as he took a sip of his tea.

“If I didn't joke about myself, I'd run out of material.” Bones thought for a moment. “Well, that's not really true. Jim provides me with more than enough.”

“You guys have known each other the longest out of all of us, right?”

“We met on the shuttle in Riverside,” he shrugged. “He had been in a fight and I had just gotten my official walking papers from the wife. Both of us were hungover.” He thought for a moment. “You know, that really set the tone for our relationship.”

Sulu couldn't help but laugh. “Yeah, I'd say so.”

“Since neither one of us really followed the rules for applying to Starfleet, when we got to San Francisco they stuck us together as roommates. The rest is history.”

“You guys still spend a lot of time together.”

“We try to, it's not always easy with our schedules and him being in a coma half the time. We went on shore leave together last time. We're actually having dinner in a few hours, something about him not seeing me enough lately.”

Sulu finished his tea so the doctor wouldn't see him smile. “Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that'll be nice. It'll give you a chance to catch up.”

McCoy shrugged. “There's really nothing to catch up on. He's been playing it surprisingly safe lately. It'd be unnerving if it wasn't so nice to not have to reattach his arms.”

“I see,” Sulu tried to look thoughtful. “It's nice you know. Having someone you can go to like that and who's always there.”

Bones didn't quite smile, but his eyes definitely softened. “I guess we're stuck with each other, since I don't think I could shake him if I tried.” The gruff exterior went back up. “And brother, I've tried.”

Sulu suddenly checked the chronometer on the doctor's desk. “I should go. Chekov and I are meeting a bunch of the guys for dinner.” He hesitated for a moment, before adding “Good luck, doc.”

McCoy waved him off with a puzzled look on his face.

Good luck? Why would he need luck? It was just dinner.

Eventually he shrugged and started on his inventory. They were due to be planetside in three days and he had a feeling once they got into orbit Spock's disaster counter would need to be reset. Better to do it now than not have it done at all.

\-----

Walter Anderson, Security Team Lead for the Enterprise, also known as Cupcake, was completely confused.

His team had of course mobilized according to Starfleet procedure the moment the alarm had sounded. A unit of six team members had gathered in shuttle bay five and spread out in search pattern theta.

There were flashlights involved. It was very serious.

After searching the hanger bay for well over an hour, Cupcake finally had to admit that there was nothing there and the call had been a faulty one. He opened his communicator.

“Security to bridge, Anderson here.”

“Lieutenant Uhura here,” a familiar voice rang out. “Find anything?”

“Nah, there's nothing. You should probably notify engineering that the sensors here in the shuttle bay are malfunctioning.”

“I'll get Scotty on it straight away. You guys go back to your posts, and thanks for checking.”

“Acknowledged. Anderson out.”

He shut off his commlink. He then looked at his team with a grin. “All right guys, game on.”

After all, they had a Rock Band tournament to finish and his team was winning.

\-----

Two hours and some change later, Leonard McCoy found himself outside the captain's quarters in his favorite college t-shirt and a pair of jeans with a PADD under one arm.

Usually when he would have dinner with the captain, they would shoot the shit for while afterwards while sharing a few beers. Sometimes Jim would do paperwork or he would go over patients notes while they talked. It was nice, a very comfortable way to get work done.

The door was opened to reveal Captain James Tiberius Kirk in a button-down gray shirt and slacks.

McCoy blinked. “Do I have the right room?”

“Bones, you made it.” Kirk held the door open. “Come on inside, I've got everything all set up.”

The captain's quarters consisted of an anteroom complete with full dining table while the bathroom and bedroom sat further back. For the occasion, Jim had covered his table with a white linen cloth and added a centerpiece. He hurried over and held a chair out for the doctor.

“...Uh. Thanks.” He took the offered chair with a worried expression. Jim poured a glass of his favorite bourbon and handed it to him without a word. He eyed it warily. “Are you okay?”

“What?” Jim sat across from him with a weird look on his face. Almost like he was trying not to panic, which was a definite cause for alarm as generally Jim didn't do anything normal like nervousness or panicking. He hit things until they broke and he got his way.

“Are. You. Okay?” Bones rolled his eyes. “You're acting weird, even by your standards.”

“I'm not acting weird,” the younger man laughed. “And of course, I'm fine. Come on, let's eat before it gets cold.” He started cutting his food. Wordlessly, Bones followed suit.

“How's your pasta?”

Something was off about this.

“It's good.”

As a rule, Jim did not dress up when he was off duty for any reason. He certainly didn't insist on playing all of Leonard's favorite music or putting candles on the table. And why did they have to eat in here anyways? Normally they just took meals together in the mess hall or the ready room.

It suddenly hit him.

No. Just...no.

“Jim,” he growled as he clenched his fists.

Jim choked on his water and flinched. “Um...yeah?”

“Why the hell did you just ambush me with...this. With a _date_?”

Out of simple self-preservation, Jim scooted his chair back a few inches. “I'm not ambushing you. At least, I wasn't intending to. I just...” He shrugged. “I just didn't know how you'd...I mean, what was I supposed to say? 'Leonard, I really think you're awesome and hot so come have dinner and maybe make out with me'?”

“Jim, you know better than this.”

“I know that you don't date ever, if that's what you mean.” Jim sat back in his chair. “I just thought I'd...that it'd be different.”

“Were the flowers you?” This really was too much.

Jim bit his lip. “They...might have been, yeah.”

Angels and ministers of grace preserve us. “Have you really been through all of your other viable options?”

“What?”

“Let me spell this out for you. You're bored. You've dated everyone else. So in your recently developed insanity, which I've got half a mind to order you to sickbay for by the way, you've decided after four years that I am a candidate for sex.” McCoy folded his arms across his chest. “No thank you.”

“You think that's all this is?” Jim looked hurt. “You think that's all I'd want?”

“Dramatic precedent, Jim. You're really going to try and tell me that all of those times you went whoring around was you searching for your true love?”

“Maybe I didn't know what I wanted.” The blond thought for a moment before continuing. “Look, Bones...this isn't some whim or passing idea. I've had these feelings for months. You're not the easiest person to approach, and I couldn't exactly come to you for advice since it was _about_ you.” Jim sighed. “This isn't going to go away. In fact it's only gotten stronger as time's gone on.”

McCoy started to laugh. He couldn't help it, and it bordered on hysterical, but there it was.

“Dammit, Bones, just because you're my best friend doesn't mean you get to be an asshole about this. I'm being serious and you're fucking laughing at me?”

The doctor finally let out a small choked sound that resembled a neighing horse. “Okay, fine.” He took a few breaths to calm himself. “I'm sorry.”

Jim was glaring at him. “You should be. You have no idea how hard the last few months have been.”

At this, Bones rolled his eyes. “Right I'm sure it's been so difficult for you, you and the roller coaster hell that is your love life.” He pulled out the PADD and found a specific screen. “The main thing is I was worried this day might come. So here.” He quickly handed it over. “Read this.”

“'Reasons Why Jim and I Together is a Terrible Idea',” Jim read aloud. He looked up startled. “You've made a list?”

Bones crossed his arms. “Just read it.”

Jim sighed. “'Number one, Jim's allergic to monogamy.' Oh come on. Just because I haven't found someone worth being with full time until now doesn't mean I'm incapable of it.” He thought for a moment. “Although, since I'm being honest, you and I have been in a type of relationship since we met.”

Bones blinked. “I don't know where you would ever have gotten that idea from but...”

“I'm just saying.” Jim scrolled down. “'Number two, I don't want to end up like Yeoman Rand.' What does Janice have to do with this?”

“It means that we have to work pretty closely together, you idiot. I don't want to end up transferring off the ship because you get bored and move on.”

Jim's eyes were wide. “You saying you'd transfer off the ship?”

“You saying you'd get bored?” The doctor retorted.

“I'm pretty sure that'd be a non-issue. If I've felt the way I have for as long as I have, I can't see me ever getting bored with you. And I wouldn't give you a reason to leave. We balance our friendship already with everything else. Why should this be different?” He ran his hands through his hair. Not giving his friend a chance to argue, he continued with the list. “'Number Three, I know where Jim's been,' followed by a paragraph of names...have you seriously kept track of everyone I've hooked up with?”

Bones shrugged. “Not everyone, that'd be sick. No, just the ones since we started the five-year tour.”

Jim was scanning the paragraph. “Okay, you're making things up. I never did anything with Chekov!”

“You really don't remember his eighteenth birthday party at all, do you?” Bones smirked. “I seem to recall you taking him for...” He cleared his throat and made finger quotes in the air. “'Private birthday spankings'.”

Jim's deer in headlights look spoke volumes. “That was him?”

“That was him.”

“Yikes. Well, at least it happened when he was legal, I guess.” Jim shrugged. “Still, if we're talking about us as a future thing, we can't be focused on the past. I mean, I don't care about yours. And you know it's been a while since I've been with anyone. You're my doctor so you also know I'm clean. I don't really see that it matters.”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “It goes along with point number one. There's not a lot giving me the idea that you'd take it seriously.”

“The fact that I'm doing this at all should demonstrate that, but I get where you're coming from.” Jim sighed. “I'll concede the point for now. 'Number four, we're not physically compatible'.” He chewed his lip for a moment. “You know, if you're not into guys that really should be point number one.”

Bones raised an eyebrow. “When did I say that?”

“Then I don't get what you...”

“I'm saying that there's no physical attraction between _us_.”

It was Jim's turn to laugh. “Are you kidding?”

“Do I look like I'm kidding?”

“Bones, come on. The farthest I've ever gotten with you is your towel falling off after your shower. There is no way you can say we're not physically compatible without me having so much as kissed you.” Jim cocked his head to one side. “Look, this is stupid. I'm not bothering with the rest of these because nothing on here is set in stone until we actually give it a go.”

The doctor was forced to admit he had a point. “You need to stop spending time with Spock,” he groused.

“You're just mad because I'm right.” Jim grinned. “So here's what I'm proposing. We have three days until we're planet side. So let's give it a go in the meanwhile, I'll make the plans and we can carry on like always except for the date parts.”

Bones sighed. “What if something goes wrong?”

“Then it goes wrong and we either laugh it off while drunk sometimes or we just pretend it never happened. You're good at compartmentalizing.” The captain frowned. “Don't you trust me enough to let me show you that I'm not just doing this out of boredom or lack of options, that I'm doing this because I really do have feelings for you and I'd like to see where things can go? I mean, I'm not going to risk what we already have over something frivolous. But I think it's pretty weak that you're not willing to risk trying in the first place.”

“You're not letting me out of here until I say yes, are you?”

Jim smiled. “Funny thing about being the captain, your security codes override everyone else's.”

After a moment, Bones held up his hands in surrender. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Jim blinked for a moment, obviously confused by the fact that he no longer needed to argue. “Oh, fine. I mean, great!”

“Don't get too excited, I have some stipulations.” The doctor leaned forward. “No more flowers or any of that bullshit. I'm a doctor, not a school girl, and besides all of that is antiquated crap rooted in misogyny and it lacks creativity besides. We're better than that.”

“I can handle that.” Jim's voice was solemn but the light dancing in his eyes undermined it.

“And don't hold doors open for me or do that shit with the chair again. I don't want you using any of those pathetic lines you're so fond of. Just because I've agreed to a few dinners doesn't mean you get to act ridiculous. In fact, don't treat me any differently at all when we're...whatever. If we're going to do this, we're doing this as us and no other way. If I feel like you're being an idiot I will call this off.”

“No grand romantic gestures, no chivalry, no favoritism, friends like always, you reserve the right to end the experiment due to idiocy.” The grin was back on Jim's face. “Anything else?”

“Yes, actually. The fact that we're going to be hanging out for the next few days is a small detail, Jim, not the biggest news since sliced bread, and it's against my better judgment. So let's not advertise it and try not to get all dopey during your shifts, you make Sulu nervous.”

“The fact that we're dating for the next few days is not a small detail, Bones. It's a big, shiny, awesome detail. You can't order me to stop thinking about it.” He pondered for a moment. “Technically, you can't order me to do anything what with the whole rank thing.”

“I mean it. I know how you are when you get a new interest.”

This time Jim held up his hands. “All right, I get it. For now, we're taking things slow. Am I missing anything else?”

“No, that covers it.” He smiled to himself. This was the perfect arrangement. It let Jim see first hand that the idea of them together just would not work and he'd be off his back without harming their friendship. This foolish crush or whatever would soon be out of his system without anyone getting hurt.

\-----

The current orders for the Enterprise were as follows; mobilize to the planet Spira to help them with medical supplies for a recent deadly outbreak and do some fact-finding regarding their culture. They were to observe the people and feel out the waters for getting the planet more strongly into the Federation and do everything they could to only moderately violate the Prime Directive.

It would be a few days before their destination was reached, so the senior bridge crew of the Enterprise were all counting on the worst and were on unofficial yellow alert. Spock especially was vigilant as they had recently gone a record twenty days without diplomatic incident.

“So tonight is the night for Captain, yes?” Pavel Chekov grabbed a bowl of pears off the conveyer..

“Yeah. I just talked to McCoy and he's clueless.” Sulu said as he put a salad on his tray in the mess hall. He wisely passed over the dubious-looking casserole.

Chekov had no such concerns about the menu and got a double serving of the casserole as he nodded. “Doctor does not seem to like anything but alcohol and the Captain. Surprises probably not good idea.”

“McCoy's not a complete misanthrope,” Sulu grabbed some broccoli. “But he's not exactly easy to talk to either. I'm sure things will go fine.” They had reached the dessert, which appeared to be some sort of attempt at key lime pie. Sulu sighed.

“You know what I could go for right now?”

“What's that?” They made their way over to the new beverage dispensers.

“Ice cream.” Sulu's smile was wistful. “There's a great shop up the street from my parents in San Francisco. They make the best strawberry ice cream you'll ever have. It's not bright pink like the stuff you buy in stores. No, it's pale pink with huge hunks of real strawberries all in it. It is so good on a hot day. Or any day, really.”

Chekov made a tsking noise. “Well, I doubt is best. Ice cream is Russian invention, you know.”

Wisely, the helmsman chose not to argue. “Right. Anyways, next time we're on Earth I'll take you! Trust me, I'll make you a convert. I just wish I could have it right now and...” The replicator whirred to life and suddenly a big bowl of a pink substance came out. The two stared at it apprehensively. The replicator machines were new technology to the Federation and they were still adjusting to them on the Enterprise. “...That's not iced tea.” He picked up the bowl and cautiously stuck a finger in it. He licked the cold stuff off his hand and his eyes brightened. “Pavel! It's the ice cream! The computer made me ice cream!”

“Is impossible, replicator is for beverages,” the young ensign grabbed a spoonful of the stuff. “But is also very good ice cream.”

“Told you.” They sat at a table with their friends. “Ice cream guys?”

The men all dug into the large dish of ice cream, various among them asking where it came from.

They were so busy they didn't notice they were being watched from across the room.  


 _To be continued..._   
  
[Chapter Two](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/19389.html)   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into _sixty-three pages of I don't even know what_.

_**Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 2/5**_  
Title: Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 2/5  
Series: Star Trek Star Trek Starrrr Treekkkkk...Reboot verse, specifically.  
Rating: PG/PG-13ish. There's swearing, but other than that it's okay.  
Summary: The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.  
Pairings: Jim/Bones, Spock/Uhura, mentions of previous Jim/Rand and Jim/Chekov (YOU READ THAT RIGHT)  
Disclaimers: Totally do not own anyone in this. It's purely for entertainment value, so please JJ Abrams and Paramount and people who handle Gene Roddenberry's estate, please be nice.  
Notes: For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into _sixty-three pages of I don't even know what_.

When last we left off, strange things had started happening on the Enterprise, and Jim and Bones had decided to have a trial relationship of sorts.

  
“Doctor!”

“Morning, Lieutenant. What can I...” He was cut off by Uhura's arms going around him and squeezing him into a hug.

“Congratulations!” Uhura leaned back to look him in eye with a grin. She reached up and tousled his hair.

He swatted her hands away. “For what?”

“You know, for the Captain. I'm congratulating you on your relationship.”

Oh Christ. “Uhura...”

“We're all really happy for you two. I mean, if you've managed to put up with him this long...” She trailed off. “Well, he's obviously picked the right man for the job. Oh I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What were you going to say, doctor?”

He sighed.

There were not many people as a rule that McCoy would refuse to argue with. However, Nyota Uhura was high on that very short list. Not only did she look genuinely happy for him, but he also knew her wrath could be swift and terrible from personal experience.

It had taken him days to stop the slight shaking after that time he told her to fuck off from hovering over an injured Spock. Yeah, no, never again.

He forced a smile. “Thanks. For the um...just thanks. Or something.”

Uhura beamed. “No, thank you.” She gave him another quick hug, and then off she went.

Bones pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting a headache and his day had just started. Terrific. There was a tap on his shoulder and he met the eyes of his head nurse.

“Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear. You two finally made it official?” It was Nurse Chapel's turn to give him a hug.”Mazel tov!” Awkwardly, he found himself patting her on the back.

Burning the Enterprise to the ground suddenly seemed like a very good idea.

\-----

Hikaru Sulu and Pavel Chekov found themselves facing the same replicator as at dinner, Sulu looking speculative and Chekov looking slightly fearful.

“Go ahead,” Sulu nodded to the navigator, who looked somewhat nervous. “Oh come on, I did it last time.”

Chekov poked the replicator. “What if it not work?”

“Then it doesn't work.” Sulu shrugged. “We should really see if it's a one-time thing or not.”

“All right.” He cleared his throat. “Replicator, I want pierogies.”

Nothing happened.

“I guess it was just a one time thing,” Sulu shrugged. “It is new technology, maybe it was just a fluke.”

Chekov was lost in thought. “You not say want. You say wish.” He cleared his throat. “Replicator, I wish for pierogies.” Within seconds, a plate of hot, buttery pierogies came out of the replicator. Chekov clapped his hands together with glee. “Look Hikaru it worked!”

“Yeah, I see that.” He thought for a moment. “You know, this isn't necessarily a good thing. It means there's a malfunction somewhere. We really should tell Scotty. Also, we probably shouldn't spread this around until we know it's harmless.”

Pavel shoved a pierogi into his mouth. “Probably just bug. Will shut it off so he can take a look at it.”

Something else occurred to Sulu then and he went from concerned to flat-out worried. “You know, I really hope the food is safe from this thing. You said yourself it's only meant to do drinks, and they're new machines besides. What if this is toxic?”

Pavel sat down his plate with a wary expression. He poked the pierogies with a fork. “Well, they not as good as Mama's.” He picked the plate up and sniffed. “Don't feel poisoned. Ice cream was fine.” He shrugged and went back to eating them without so much as a pause. Sulu frowned.

“Are those pierogies?” Lieutenant Riley asked. “I didn't realize the mess was serving those today.”

“They're not.” Sulu said as he sat down.

Riley looked thoughtful. “Then where do you keep getting this stuff? I mean, that's the second time one of you guys has had something like that.”

Sulu started to motion that Chekov should keep quiet. The ensign either didn't notice or didn't care as he immediately chirped “Beverage machine! Ask it for anything!”

“Wait, really? Which one?”

Chekov turned and pointed to the machine that gave the pierogies and Sulu's hand could not connect with his own face quickly enough. “Make sure you say you wish for it. Won't work unless you wish.”

After the entire engineering staff _somehow_ found out about the captain wanting to ask out the CMO, Sulu felt like he really should have known better.

Riley immediately jumped up. “I'm going to go get a cottage pie. I am going to go get a cottage pie and I am going to eat it _so hard_.”

Sulu looked up in alarm. “Wait but...” It was too late, Riley had already taken off at a run to the replicators. He soon had his cottage pie and was in the process of requesting mint chocolate chip ice cream when a crowd started to gather. Soon people were lining up and taking their turns wishing for various comfort foods from the replicators. Apparently it had spread to all of them.

Frowning, Sulu opened his communicator. “Lieutenant Sulu to Engineering, come in please.”

“Engineering, Scott here. Go ahead, Mr. Sulu.”

Oh thank God. “Scotty, I think there's a replicator malfunction up here in the main mess. Instead of drinks it's making whatever the person asks for. Can you come take a peak at them?”

“Sure I'll...for the last time, get down from there! That's a Jeffries tube, not a jungle gym! All right fine, but if you hurt yourself I am not taking you to sick bay. You'll never learn if I keep getting you patched up.” Scotty quickly remembered himself. “Let me just finish up here and I'll let the captain know. I'll be up in two shakes. Scott out.”

Sulu sighed. More and more he was feeling like the only sane person on the Enterprise. Today was proving to be no exception.

\-----

All was quiet on the bridge for once and Jim Kirk was enjoying it. He was hoping it could maintain for a little while; he really hated the thought of Spock having to reset his counter.

Since there was nothing to do but stare literally off into space, he afforded himself a little time to daydream. Everything was all set for the dinner he had planned. He just had to get with their head chef to make sure all of the food would be ready on time and then Bones would be putty in his hands.

"Engineering to Captain Kirk.”

“Kirk here, go ahead Scotty.”

“I've just been notified that the beverage replicators in the mess hall are having some issues. I'm having to go in and shut them down while I work on them.”

“It's nothing serious is it?”

“No, I don't think so. Should be working back to specs by lunch time.”

“All right then, do what you have to do. Kirk out.”

So much for his nice, quiet, undisturbed and completely routine ship. Kirk sighed to himself and he scrubbed his face with his hands. Quickly realizing that he was being stared at, he opened his eyes and met Uhura's gaze.

Without a word she looked down at the mission dossier, then back up to him. In a near perfect imitation of her lover, she raised her right eyebrow.

Grumbling, Jim opened the dossier.

\-----

Nurse Chapel was quietly taking her daily coffee break when she noticed a line by one of the replicators. She made her way to the front of the crowd where several of her fellow crew members clinked glasses together excitedly.

“What's going on?”

“Look, Christine,” Nurse Quinn said excitedly. “If you tell the machines you wish for something, they'll give it to you no matter what it is! Here, have a cosmo!” She handed the nurse a pink drink in a martini glass.

Chapel delicately took a sip. A little too much cranberry for her liking, but hey. Free cosmo. “This is pretty good. Does it do anything else?”

“It's been doing food too,” Nurse Andrews replied. She had a large piece of chocolate cake in her hands. “Just ask it for whatever.” She smiled as Ensign Waldorf passed out flutes of champagne and Ensign Bass gave everyone else shots.

“Hm,” Christine sipped her drink again. Maybe she should take the doctor something, he was looking a bit stressed. “Computer, I wish for a mint julep.”

After a few seconds, a brown drink with sprigs of fresh mint appeared. At that moment, Engineer Scott appeared with a tool kit under one arm.

“All right kids, party's over,” Scotty said as he pushed past the crowd. “The Enterprise doesn't run herself.”

Grumbling, the crowd dispersed. Soon, he was nearly the only person left in the mess hall. He knelt down and got to work. The replicator appeared to be fine. There were no signs of tampering or damage of any kind. Puzzled, he tilted his head to one side.

“Computer, I wish for scotch on the rocks.”

The computer obliged.

That shouldn't be happening, they weren't programmed to do alcoholic drinks. He had just checked all of the systems; ostensibly they were running fine. There was nothing at all physically wrong with the replicator, no signs of tampering or damage.

So if it wasn't a hardware issue, then that could only mean an issue with the programming itself.

Okay then.

Scotty quickly downed the liquor; after all, his mother had raised him better than that. Better call the captain and let him know repairs would take longer than anticipated. He grabbed a roll of yellow tape and started to rope off the replicator.

How complicated could this be?

\-----

Thanks to Uhura's visit, Leonard McCoy was finding it very difficult to concentrate on his tasks at hand and not on the events of the night prior.

As they parted ways, Jim had managed to get the doctor to agree to having dinner with him again that night on observation deck one at 20:00. The fact that their first date was taking place somewhere public made him feel a bit better. Jim was a lot less likely to try something stupid in public.

Not for the first time he was wondering how he had allowed himself to get talked into this.

The fact that Lieutenant Uhura had stopped by to give him a hug also made him somewhat suspicious about Jim following the whole “let's keep this between us” part of the conversation.

"Doctor McCoy, a word?"

Just what he needed. Spock.

"Sure why not. My day can't possibly get any worse after this." Bones brightened. "In fact, since this is almost guaranteed to be the low point, it can only go up from here."

The Vulcan looked...well on a regular person he'd have been confused. "Is that an insult, doctor?"

He needed off this ship. "Never mind. What is it, Spock?"

Spock folded both of his hands behind his back, slightly tilting his head to one side. "It has come to my attention that the captain has, as of last evening, informed you of his intentions."

Jesus Christ, did everyone know about this?

"I really think that's none of your damn business."

"I beg to differ, doctor. Anything that affects the captain's ability to perform is, to borrow the colloquialism, my business. I am his first officer and I am responsible for ensuring that everyone on the Enterprise performs at their maximum efficiency at all times. It is prudent of me to note that since you accepted the captain's proposal his efficiency and focus has improved approximately eight-point-two-one percent. He is also less irritable toward Mr. Scott's engineering staff, which as your conversation only took place hours ago is indeed a marked improvement."

He was getting a headache. "Spit it out, Spock, I don't have all day."

"I do not wish to waste your valuable time." Spock pointedly looked at the complete lack of work on McCoy's desk. "I simply am here to inform you that I would like to see these trends continue and it would be very unfortunate indeed should anything happen that is...harmful to the Captain's mood."

"What?"

"To be more succinct, I do not believe you will be pleased with the outcome should anything you do injure the captain."

Bones blinked. "Did you just threaten me?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "It is my duty to ensure that everyone on this ship performs to the fullest of their ability and, unfortunately, Captain Kirk's emotional state is directly proportional to how well he commands. It is most logical for me to ensure his happiness."

The doctor buried his face in his hands. He didn't know what was worse, that he was getting the you-break-his-heart-I-break-you speech in the first place or that Spock was the one delivering it.

"Do we understand each other, doctor?"

He groaned; the headache was going to become a migraine, he could feel it. "Yeah, Spock. I read you loud and clear."

"Good. As we are in accordance, I am free to resume my other tasks. Have a good day, Doctor McCoy." With that, Spock turned and headed out of the door.

Have a good day? Not fucking likely.

\-----

Alpha shift was coming to an end and soon Kirk was going to be at loose ends for a few hours before his date with Bones. He eyed the dossier in his hands before tucking it under his arm. Well he had some time before he had to pick up their dinner, maybe he'd do some more reading before he had to leave. He stood up and headed to the turbo lift, not missing the look of approval on Uhura's face when she noticed the book in his hands.

Before he could push the button, the lift door opened to reveal his Chief Engineer.

Montgomery Scott looked worried.

That was a terrible sign.

“Oh thank goodness, I was hoping I'd catch you before you left.”

"Hm?" He looked up. "Oh, Scotty. What's up?"

"Captain, there's something wrong with the ship."

Jim started to panic. "The nacelles again? I didn't hear any explosions..."

"No, nothing that serious. Well, it could become that serious in a day or two.” The engineer lost himself in thought for a moment before he realized the captain was staring at him. "Oh right. Well anyways, it appears the Enterprise has somehow changed programming directives.”

“Somehow?” Kirk raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, somehow?”

“Well I haven't figured that out yet. It's not a hack job, there'd be traces left in the computer's memory banks. It's definitely not a malfunction or hiccup. The only thing I can figure is that it's something with the new replicator tech, and it's starting to spread.”

“Well what's it doing? Is it dangerous?”

“Not yet. All I can say is thank God she doesn't have true sentience or else...."

“Scotty.”

“Sorry. Anyway captain, as insane as this sounds, the ship's granting wishes.”

Wishes. “What?”

“If I were to specifically say I wish I had a dry cappuccino for example..."

Improbably at that moment, a steaming, foamy mug materialized at Sulu's station. Without a word he handed it to the captain. That was a cappuccino, all right.

"You're telling me the Enterprise is granting wishes." Jim sighed as he took a sip. "So my ship's turned into a genie. I don't think it's that big of a deal."

Scotty scoffed and then shook his head. "It's hardly innocent. Right now it's all ice cream and parties but what if someone says they wish to go home and the ship starts trying to beam 'em to Earth and they get airlocked?"

That was only slightly terrifying. "Well, okay, yeah. How many crew members know about this?”

Scotty hesitated. “Well...”

“Scotty. How many?”

At that moment, Hannity and Hawkins arrived for their shifts carrying board games and boxes of Godiva. “I think it's pretty safe to say all of them, Captain."

Oh for the love of God. The captain rubbed his temples. “You've made some good points.”

"Aye, they're very good points." Scotty nodded, then leaned in close to the captain with a deadly serious expression. "Not to mention how infuriated I am that someone has messed with my girl." He patted one of the consoles fondly. "Getting her back to specs is a matter of pride. First I need to shut down all of the affected systems. I've already done so with the replicators in the mess but we'll have to go on autopilot for a while since I see Mister Sulu's station is malfunctioning. Hopefully it won't spread to life support.”

The captain smiled. "I understand." He looked around his bridge crew a bit. Hannity was enjoying her chocolates as she monitored the long-range sensors. Well at least it wasn't a major distraction yet. "Scotty, I want you working on this, around the clock, not sleeping if you have to. This needs to go before we reach Spira. Lieutenant, get Styles up here to relieve Mr. Chekov."

Chekov looked up from his telemetry with a wide-eyed expression. “Captain?”

"Chekov, you're on this and only this with Scotty until this is fixed. It shouldn't take too long, and it'd be a nice change for you I bet.” The ensign looked both excited and annoyed to be taken off his regular duties to work on this special project. “We're planet side in two days, guys. I'm sure you'll have this wrapped up long before that but let's not wait until the last minute, okay?"

The engineer and ensign could only respond with "Aye, Captain" as they left the bridge.

\-----

At that moment, Ensigns Ricky and DeSalle found themselves on the second level's observation deck. It was empty and seldom used, as the first level's had a better view to see the stars.

“I bet you it does it.”

DeSalle rolled his eyes. “Oh please, it so will not. Your steak was one thing, but this is totally something else.”

“This should be easier! All it has to do is build something really quickly and add a little water. What's the harm?” Ricky punched him in the arm. “I bet you one hundred credits.”

“This is so dumb.”

“Seriously, come on.”

DeSalle sighed. “Fine, one hundred credits. But it's worthless, I'm totally going to win.”

Ricky grinned “Hey computer! I wish for a water slide. And not some rinky dink slip and slide thing, like a real one with turns and a pool at the end.”

Within moments, repair components came out from the walls and started building something using spare materials from the observation deck.

“Holy shit.”

“You totally owe me that hundred credits.”

There was no grumbling as the credits were handed over. “Can I be the first to go down it?”

“If that's your way of admitting how awesome I am, sure.”

\-----

At 2000 on the dot, McCoy found himself on the observation deck looking for Kirk. He started walking towards the middle of the room when he finally made out his friend's hair. Jim spotted him at the same moment and waved.

“Hey Bones, over here!” Jim had put a blanket down on a spot dead center of the deck with a picnic basket sitting on one corner.“I know there's not a whole lot to see while we're in warp, but I figured it's more interesting than just sitting in our rooms. And it's definitely less crowded than the mess.” He started pulling containers of food out of the basket. Bones knelt down next to him. “I had to get some help on this since I've never been on a Southern picnic before but our lovely head chef promised me that fried chicken and potato salad was the way to go.”

Indeed, there was fried chicken and potato salad. Not to mention biscuits, greens, peach pie, and sweetened iced tea.

Bones was stunned. “You made all this?”

Jim gave him a funny look. “After living with me for three years you really have to ask?” This was a good point...as the crew was neither on fire nor fleeing from one, Jim had obviously not cooked the food himself. “No, I asked Muriel to do it. I may have had to promise her extra time on shore leave for it, but I think it'll be worth it.” He handed Bones a plate. “Dig in.”

They quickly filled their plates and began eating. The conversation was easy as always, although it mostly stayed on work.

“Chapel really came to work sauced?”

“She wasn't drunk, she just had a cocktail. She had brought me a mint julep, which I needed after the morning I had.” He frowned. “Where would she have gotten them anyways?”

“There's something with the computers, Bones, like a bug that's granting wishes.” Jim spooned more potato salad onto his plate. “I don't think it's a huge deal right now but it could become one pretty soon.” He looked at the way the doctor had visibly paled at “bug” and quickly smiled. “Scotty and Chekov are working on it as we speak, there's nothing to worry about. It'll be dead and gone by tomorrow probably.”

“It better be.” McCoy was scowling. “The last thing we need is to make contact while our ship throws us a dance party or something.”

“I'll just be happy once we get there,” Jim sighed. “Spira, I mean. I'm tired of being stuck in transit. I'd like to get myself on solid ground, even if only for a few days.”

“Tell me about it,” Bones muttered as he reached for another piece of chicken.

“From what it looks like, they'd make a great addition to the Federation. We could really use the dilithium stores on their planet, and they could definitely benefit from our medical knowledge.” Everyone knew about the recent outbreak of deadly flu on the planet's humanoid population. It was part of why they were going, to survey the damage.

“How do you know so much?”

Jim was oddly hesitant. “I may have begun to read the mission briefing.”

“You're reading that?” The doctor couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. “You never read those.”

“Uhura might have suggested that I'm not being as thorough as I could be.”

Bones didn't even look up from his plate. “You mean she finally called you out on your crap.”

“That may be it, yeah.” The captain grinned. “But I thought about it and there's no harm in trying something different.” Blue eyes met hazel and Jim suddenly turned serious. “Right, Bones?”

They looked at each other for a while, the silence having a quality to it that Leonard couldn't quite name.

“Commander Spock to Captain Kirk, come in please.”

Bones cleared his throat and looked away. Jim sighed and reached for his communicator.

“Kirk here, Spock. What's up?”

If he noticed how annoyed the captain sounded, Spock chose not to comment. “Captain there is a commotion on observation deck two. I believe you should investigate it.”

“I'm _in the middle of something_ , Spock. Isn't that what security's for?”

“Security is already present, captain. They appear to be otherwise engaged. I strongly suggest you join me in order to see it for yourself.”

“Fine. I'll be up in a second. Kirk out.” He shut off the comm with a sour look. “I'm sorry, this will only take a minute. Do you mind?”

Strangely, he did. “...No. I'll just go with you.” They quickly packed up the picnic basket and made their way to the first officer.

\-----

“I just don't understand it,” Scotty muttered as he went through line after line of operating system code.

Chekov looked up from where he was doing the same. “What is the matter?”

“If this is an error in the code, it should be showing here.” The engineer was completely dumbfounded.”But it's not. There's nothing at all. There must be something I'm overlooking, because I just do not see it.”

“But that's impossible,” Chekov peered over his shoulder. “The directives have obviously been changed. Should not be giving Red Bulls just because I wish for it.”

A chilled six pack of Red Bull materialized out of nowhere. The engineer glared at the ensign, who merely shrugged and opened a can of the soda.

They poured over the code some more, each of them ruling out sections of the programming being faulty. Nothing was showing as defective, everything was the way it had always been. It wasn't making sense.

“I wonder,” Chekov mumbled.

“Yeah?”

He was mostly thinking out loud, but Chekov couldn't help but wonder if he was onto something. “Possible it not break in code. Possible it's a virus?”

Huh. That was a good point.

“You might be on to something. It wouldn't be the first instance of a virus hiding itself to avoid discovery. There was one particularly tricky one back at the academy that had started rather benevolent. Before we knew what was happening, the physics labs had all gone on lockdown.”

“I remember that,” the younger man sighed. “Was trapped inside for hours with claustrophobic professor.

Scotty winced in sympathy. “Well okay, so instead of looking for a line of faulty code you start scanning all of the ship's OS code for a virus.”

Looking at the nearby chronometer, Pavel sighed. “Had to be up for my shift at oh-six-hundred. This has been long day with no break.”

“I'm sure between the two of us we'll get it soon.” Montgomery pat his back soothingly. Unfortunately, he failed to be reassuring. Chekov simply sighed a second time and took a sip of the Red Bull. He pulled a face at the flavor.

“Good thing I have this, will probably be long night.”

\-----

When the turbolift doors opened and Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy stepped out onto the deck, their jaws dropped at the sight before them.

A huge water slide with about four turns had somehow been built on the deck. It ended in a shallow pool about twenty feet in size. Various members of the security team were sitting at the lifeguard stations. Dozens of off duty personnel were waiting on the stairs to the top in their swimsuits while loud music blared from the overhead speakers.

“No running!” Lieutenant Cohen yelled as she blew her whistle at a couple of ensigns.

“Holy shit,” Kirk managed.

“Captain, Doctor,” Spock walked over to them from one of the lifeguard stations. He raised an eyebrow at the picnic basket on Jim's arm. Quickly he put two and two together about why they were with each other. “I apologize. I did not mean to interrupt your time together, this surely could have waited until...”

“It's okay, Spock.” Kirk couldn't stop staring. “So um. Water slide?”

“Indeed. I believe it is another manifestation of what is plaguing our ship's computer systems.” Spock looked up at the top of the slide. “This was not here last evening.”

“Right.” The shock finally having worn off, Kirk was beaming. “This is awesome!”

Bones and Spock both stared at the captain incredulously.

“What? Seriously, even both of you can't tell me that this isn't the best thing ever.”

“Oh sure, it'll be great when I have to set eighteen people's broken bones,” the doctor muttered. Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Captain, I must agree with Doctor McCoy's assessment. The deck is becoming more and more wet with each person that uses this slide. I have calculated that the entire floor will be a slipping hazard in thirty-two minutes, twenty seconds.”

“Okay I get it. Ship's not designed for it, whatever.” Kirk sighed. “This is really getting out of hand, isn't it?”

“SPRING BREAK WOOOOOOOOO!” Riley shouted from the top of the slide. Everyone else screamed and cheered right back at him.

Bones just gave him one of his trademarked _you moron_ looks. Spock merely replied with an “Indeed.”

“All right, all right. I'll make sure Scotty and Chekov work as quickly as possible.” He looked longingly at the slide. “I really need to get a staff with a sense of whimsy.”

Just then, Hikaru Sulu stepped off the turbo lift in a t-shirt and a pair of Hawaiian print swim trunks. He was carrying a towel and he stopped short when he saw the three senior officers standing right by the door.

There was an awkward silence.

“Um...I wasn't coming here to...use the slide. I was...”

“It's okay, Sulu,” Jim sighed. “Go right ahead. Someone should get to have some fun around here.” He looked at Bones, who only raised an eyebrow in return.

“Yes, sir!” Sulu practically ran over to one of the deck chairs and took off his shirt.

Once again, the captain sighed. “Come on, Bones, let's go finish our dinner.”

Bones tried really hard to ignore the pointed look Spock was giving him. “Sure, Jim.”

\-----

After finishing their meal, Jim and Leonard found themselves on a walking tour around the ship talking about anything that came to mind. Before long, they were standing outside of the doctor's quarters.

“By the way Jim, did you tell Uhura about us?”

“No, she already knew.” The smile on his face was sheepish. It quickly turned to panic. “Why, what'd she do?”

“She may have dropped by to see me this morning,” the doctor remarked dryly. “She already knew?”

“Her and Sulu cornered me a few weeks ago.”

That bastard Sulu was in on this? Oh his next allergy shot was going to be so painful and Bones was going to love every moment of it.

“Apparently I'm really 'obvious' when I talk about you.” Jim shrugged as he continued. “And since she knows, of course Spock knows.”

“Of course,” Bones agreed. After all, he had that piece of information firsthand.

“Sulu's probably told Chekov, they're kind of like Spock and Uhura but without the whole sleeping together thing. Chekov can't keep a secret, so most likely he's the one who told Scotty. I know Scotty knows because he said something to me, you know how he is. And he can't keep a secret either once he's had a few, so that means Keenser definitely knows. And Keenser has that crush on Chapel so...”

Bones groaned. “I get the picture. I'm also assuming there's a reason why I'm the last to find out.”

“Not our fault you're slow on the uptake,” Jim teased.

“Yeah, yeah.” Something else occurred to Bones then and he couldn't help but ask. “You talk about me?”

Remarkably, Jim began to blush. “Well I...yeah. I mean, nothing bad.”

“Oh?” This didn't piss him off as much as it should have. In fact he was almost pleased.

Jim switched from embarrassed to playful. “Well, maybe I like to tell the story about that time you threw up on me right after we met.”

“I'm sure you do,” Bones shook his head. “Just like I'm sure you don't realize all of the stories I tell about you to anyone who will listen. Like the prank that backfired involving Admiral Barnett and those Orion pheromones.”

“You're bluffing.” Jim smiled. “You don't tell people about that. You'd have to admit your part in it.”

“Maybe I don't mind.” He smiled back. “Maybe it's worth it.”

Jim looked at him in surprise. Something kept changing in their conversations and it finally occurred to McCoy what it was.

They were flirting.

It had been a while for him, but he now knew that's what this kept turning into. Apparently, Jim had spotted it as well because his smile changed from amused to cocky. Better put an end to this quickly before things got out of hand.

“Um...” Yes, that was a nice eloquent start. “I should go inside. I'm on Alpha tomorrow.”

“What a coincidence, so am I,” the captain grinned. “Pick you up same time?”

“Jim.” It was a warning.

“All right, all right, I won't pick you up.” The captain rolled his eyes. “I'll meet you, same time, same place.”

“Sounds fine.” He entered the access code for his door. “Good night, Jim.”

Grin back on his face, Jim nodded. “Night, Bones.”

The doctor waved and stepped inside his quarters. And as the door slid closed, he couldn't help but feel the corners of his mouth start to turn up as if he was trying to smile.

He quickly turned it into a frown.

Whatever, it was one good night. Nothing was changing.

 _To be continued..._   
[Chapter One](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/19036.html) | [Chapter Three](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/19698.html)


	3. Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 3/5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into sixty-three pages of I don't even know what.

_**Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 3/5**_  
Title: Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 3/5  
Series: Star Trek Star Trek Starrrr Treekkkkk...Reboot verse, specifically.  
Rating: PG/PG-13ish. There's swearing, but other than that it's okay.  
Summary: The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.  
Pairings: Jim/Bones, Spock/Uhura, mentions of previous Jim/Rand and Jim/Chekov (YOU READ THAT RIGHT)  
Disclaimers: Totally do not own anyone in this. It's purely for entertainment value, so please JJ Abrams and Paramount and people who handle Gene Roddenberry's estate, please be nice.  
Notes: For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into sixty-three pages of I don't even know what.

When last we left off, the Enterprise had turned into a theme park, Bones and Jim went on a date, Chekov was freebasing Red Bull, and Sulu rightfully thought everyone else was nuts.

  
Captain Kirk stepped onto observation deck two, now affectionately referred to as the water deck.

During the course of the night and into the morning, the slide had turned into several tube slides and an open one. That in turn had begotten a wave pool. Which had also in turn bore a lazy river.

There was now a full-on water park on the second deck of the USS Enterprise.

The security staff had scheduled rotas for life guarding. There were inner tubes and a tiki bar. He didn't really know how it was physically possible that the ship built this or how it wasn't killing their water supply. He didn't know how no one had gotten injured here either.

He just knew it was the most awesome thing in the history of ever.

Granted, Bones and Spock were both right. It was somewhat dangerous and he didn't want to think about where all the water would slosh if they got attacked. But he couldn't deny how much more relaxed and happy his crew was with a way to divert their stress. They all looked like they were having such a good time here, it really bothered him to have to take it away.

Maybe he could wish for a rubber floor.

\-----

True to their word, Chekov and Scotty had stayed up all night and then some in order to try and stop the virus. At this point, Chekov was on his fifth Red Bull while Scotty was purely running on adrenaline.

If he was being honest with himself, Scotty was more exhilarated than anything else. It had been a long time since he had been challenged in any real way by anything. Sure when the ship would be having some sort of crisis, he would have to think on his feet to save them all. But that was usually reversing a polarity here or ejecting a warp core there. It was so fast that he didn't get a chance to enjoy it and he didn't have to worry since his math was always right.

The problem was that there was no real _variety_ of challenge.

So this bug or virus was making him happy, in an odd way. Sure he was pissed that someone on the ship decided to mess with his girl's programming. Who wouldn't be?

The fact that he got to really work on something hard for once...well it wasn't exactly unwelcome.

Chekov, on the other hand, was growing more irritable as time went on. Firstly, he didn't do well with no sleep. He was lucky as he had always been smart enough where he didn't need to pull any all-nighters, even at the Academy. As such, sleep deprivation tended to hit him harder than most of the other senior officers.

Secondly, the caffeine was disagreeing with him. He tended to stay away from it as a general rule because he was excitable enough naturally. All of the excess caffeine he was taking in to pull off said all-nighter was starting to make him jittery and irritable.

Thirdly, he was getting frustrated with their lack of progress. He and Scotty, with the exception of maybe Spock, were the two most intelligent people on the ship. There was no reason why they should not have had this wrapped up by dinner last night.

And yet, here they were.

“I just don't understand,' Scotty mumbled. “Where could it be? I know it's close...”

“Eyes are going to fall out if we keep looking,” Chekov scowled.

“Let's take a wee break before we get on that.” The engineer stood and cracked his back in several places. “I have got to have something to eat before I faint.”

\-----

McCoy was grabbing a sandwich from the cafeteria to take back with him to work when he realized Spock was in line in front of him. He grimaced and surveyed the area around him. There was a clear getaway path over by the soft-serve machine. Dimly wondering when the ship got one of those, he turned and tried very slowly to make his way out of the door.

“Ah, doctor,” the Vulcan called as he sat a bowl of plomeek soup on his tray.

Shit. “Oh, Spock. Didn't see you there.” He got back in line. “Soup's looking especially...chunky today.”

Spock inspected the soup. It indeed had large chunks of plomeek in it. He raised an eyebrow. “The Captain appears to be in good spirits. I trust things are going well.”

Not that again. “I don't know how many ways I can say 'none of your business' before you leave me alone.”

“As I have previously explained, doctor, anything...”

“That affects Jim is your business, I get it.” McCoy ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, things are fine. Just stay out of it, and tell Uhura to do the same.” He frowned. “That hug was really awkward.”

With that, he turned on his heel and left the mess hall.

As Spock ran his badge through the processor, he noticed a group of about twenty science officers sitting around a table with what appeared to be a very large roasted bird of some kind surrounded by many side dishes. He tapped a crew member on the shoulder.

“Ensign, from where did all of this come?”

“Oh hey, Commander.” He recognized her as Ensign Colt. “Me and the guys were talking about how sad we were to have to miss Thanksgiving this year and, well, the computers made this for us.” She smiled. “You're welcome to join too, there's plenty of vegetable dishes.”

“...No thank you.” Spock managed. He needed to report to the captain, as things were getting woefully out of hand. Before he could make his way back to the bridge, he saw Scotty and Chekov talking to Sulu. The youngest of the three appeared to be vibrating. Fascinating.

“Pavel, how many of those have you had?” he heard the pilot ask.

“Lost track at three,” Chekov sighed. “Worked all night. Is hard work and we can't stop until done.”

Sulu looked moderately horrified. “Well, just be careful and drink some water too, okay? They're bad for your kidneys.”

“Ensign, Lieutenant Commander.” Spock decided to make himself known. “I believe the timetable should be moved up for having the ship repaired. The more things like this---” He gestured to where the science staff were currently saying their blessing. “---Happen, the more I fear for both our food supply as well as the integrity of the ship's computer. It was not designed for such functions and operating outside of its normal parameters may have long term and detrimental effects.”

Montgomery blinked. “Spock, we still aren't sure what we're up against. Whatever it is, I can say it's very advanced. Getting rid of it is going to take some time.”

As if on cue, Ensign Richards from engineering came running into the cafeteria. “Medic,” she screamed. “We have a man down at the roller rink, repeat Ensign DuMais is down!”

Spock looked back at the three men he was speaking with. Sulu merely looked worried, while Scotty had hung his head in resignation. Chekov appeared to be...was he angry? How illogical.

“All we wanted was break,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Indeed.” Spock, naturally, did not see the point in sympathizing. “I suggest you both return to work immediately. There may soon be other casualties.”

“Yes sir,” the pair grumbled as they made their way to the doors.

Sulu had knit his eyebrows together. “They could have eaten their lunch, you know. It's not that urgent and they'd probably work better. They haven't even slept.”

“Your logic is sound, Lieutenant, however at the rate ship resources are being used I don't believe we can afford them the time. I will, however, relieve myself from my normal duties to lend assistance once I speak with Captain Kirk. I do posses a significant amount of experience with such tasks.”

Sulu nodded. “Well good luck when you do. It seems like you guys need it.”

\-----

Kirk was running to his quarters to change when he smacked right into someone without looking. The person dropped the folders in their arms and fell onto the ground with the force of impact.

“Oh god, I'm sorry I...” He leaned down to help them pick up their belongings.

“How's the reading?”

It was then he realized he had run right smack into Lieutenant Uhura.

“Oh it's going swimmingly,” he smiled. “I know more about their planet than they do.”

“Indeed?” Spock was really rubbing off on her. Oh wow that was a gross mental image. “In lieu of a clergy, what do they have?”

“...um...I know this.” He thought he did, anyways, he had read half the brief. Well...okay. He had skimmed it. But he had skimmed it diligently! “I really have no idea.”

Uhura frowned. “Captain.” Oh no, not that tone of voice. It was like the first day with Nero all over again.

“All right, I'll make sure I go over it in more detail first thing in the morning,” he promised.

The frown turned into a scowl. “You said you would make the effort this time.”

“And I am! Honestly! I just can't right now.”

Her scowl turned into a glower.

“Look, I'd love to stay and chat but I'm going to be late, Bones is waiting for me and...”

As if a switch had been thrown, her expression changed from one of annoyance to one of interest.

“Oh, I didn't realize. I'm sorry, here I can get those.” She grabbed the folders out of his hands.  
“How's that going?”

Kirk shook his head. “Uh-uh, Lieutenant. That is between the good doctor and myself.”

“Fair enough,” she smiled. “Well? What are you waiting for? Hurry up don't be late! Come on!” She pushed him to his door and he started to laugh as he put in his security code.

“Have a good night!” He grinned as he stepped into his quarters.

Uhura shook her head. He was off the hook for now, but come morning he was going to be in for it if he wasn't reading that dossier with rapt attention.

\-----

Yeoman Thomas joined Yeoman Moore on deck five. Both of the women were dressed in jeans.

Neither of them were sure at all how they had done it, but there it was.

Sure it was mechanical and really more of a horse, but who cared? Everyone on the ship's inner six year old was dying of joy at that moment.

They had a _pony_.

\-----

Later that evening, Jim and Leonard found themselves sitting in the same exact place as the night before. This time the picnic basket held a selection of sandwiches and a six pack of Romulan ale. Date number two was coming along just as uneventful and well as date number one.

Leonard lay on his back with his eyes closed and just let himself go. It wasn't often that he felt like he could really let his guard down, but he couldn't help it right then.

In spite of everything happening on the ship, including Ensign Du Mais's broken nose, the doctor found he was in a really good mood. It was the best he had felt...well truthfully, it was the best he had felt since well before the divorce.

It was probably the alcohol. He was sure it had nothing to do with Jim.

“I have to admit, my crew's really surprising me with this whole ship thing,” the captain said randomly.

Bones opened one eye. “With what, their propensity for getting hurt in new and exciting ways? I'm not surprised. After all, you're their captain. You've set the example.”

It was hard to tell in the dim lighting, but he was pretty sure Jim had rolled his eyes. “I meant with their creativity. The roller rink is something I'd have never come up with, that's for sure.”

“That's because you have common sense.”

Jim turned his head to look at him. “Have you ever had a day of fun in your whole life?”

“Once, when I was seventeen,” the doctor deadpanned. “It ended with me losing the family home in a fire.”

Jim stared.

Bones couldn't help but burst out laughing. “I'm fucking with you.”

The captain was trying really hard to keep a straight face. “Shut up.”

“Oh Jim, your face...”

“Shut up, I said.” There was no malice behind the words, Jim was laughing too.

They lay facing each other laughing for a quite a while. When they finally calmed down, Bones felt something. It was in his stomach, almost like...but no, that wouldn't be possible. Not wanting to think about it further, he cleared his throat and turned his attention back to the window.

Jim suddenly sat up. “Hey I've got an idea. Let's pack this up, I want you to see something.”

\-----

By Scotty's count, Chekov had to have been well into the double-digits on the energy drinks. If it wasn't so terrifying, it would have been impressive. He furiously scribbled equation after equation on a PADD, erasing things deemed unusable.

Scotty was busy tinkering with the mainframe of the ship's computer, his head buried underneath it.

“It still not registering to our scans?”

“Nyet.” Chekov shook his head even though Scotty couldn't see it. “It appears to hide in different part of operating system each time we scan. Like it knows we're looking.”

“Of course it does.” Scotty unearthed himself. “It would be far too easy the other way.”

“Whoever did this, I hate.” Chekov grumbled. “I hate them so much. Another night with no sleep and for what?”

“I know what you mean,” Scotty sighed. “I just don't get why we can't catch a sodding break. I've been staring at this so long, I feel like my eyeballs are going to fall out of my head.”

“I may be of assistance, Mr. Scott.” Commander Spock stood in the doorway with his hands behind his back. “If you could show me your notes on the subject, I can begin assisting you immediately.”

Scotty and Chekov looked at one another.

“With all due respect, Spock,” Scotty started. “If I can't find it, and Chekov can't find it, I highly doubt that you'll fare any differently. We're not exactly amateurs at this, you know.”

“I may be able to see something that you simply were not able to notice.” Spock raised his eyebrow. “I excelled in all of my computing classes at Starfleet Academy, and I did program the Kobayashi Maru simulation for four years.”

Chekov's eyes narrowed at the Vulcan. He didn't particularly care for having his skills questioned and that's what it sounded like Spock was doing.

Apparently, Scotty agreed. “Oh well, by all means.” He made a huge sweeping gesture to his chair. “Have a seat and knock yourself out.”

Spock was puzzled. “I do not understand. Making myself fall unconscious would only be counter-productive.”

Scotty rolled his eyes. “Just sit down and show us on how supposedly you're better at this than we are.”

\-----

“Jim?”

“Yeah?”

When Jim had said for them to pack up and go somewhere else, he hadn't imagined he meant here. “Why are we on the water deck?”

Jim smiled. “Because it's closed and we can be alone.”

He looked around the room. Apart from their voices, the only sound was the water running in the lazy river. They were in fact the only two people there. “This place closes?”

Jim pointed to the sign by the door.

WATERPARK ENTERPRISE HOURS OF OPERATION 10:00 – 21:00

RULES  
-No running  
-No shoes  
-No roughhousing  
-No line cutting – everyone will get a turn  
-If you don't use profanity, you won't offend anyone  
-For the love of God, no Marco Polo  
-Everything is at the lifeguards' discretion, so don't make them mad

Inquire about our birthday packages!

“Told you my crew was good. They've worked life-guarding into the security staff schedule already and no one's gotten hurt here. Everyone's been really good about following the rules. All things considered, this place is a nice diversion for them.”

Bones made a non-committal sound as he looked around above him. The slides looked okay but they were probably none too sturdy. Best not to use those until he could bribe Scotty into making some extra supports or something.

“You know, Lieutenant Heron came to me about starting a roller derby league.”

“Great, that won't clog up sick bay at all.” He could just picture all of the contusions now.

“I told her no.”

That caught his attention. “You what?”

“I told her no. There's having fun and there's asking for trouble. Contrary to popular belief, I do know the difference.” He shrugged. “I don't need your staff stuck with patching all of those girls up when there's actual work to be done. And there's no way I can requisition thirty helmets without someone at Starfleet catching wind of what's going on. ”

“...Thanks.” There was that feeling again, right there inside him. It kept happening more and more as the evening progressed. Ignoring it, he moved to examine the lazy river more in depth.“How deep is this thing anyways?”

Jim shrugged. “Not sure, probably two and a half, three feet. I haven't even gotten to try any of this out. I've been so busy, but Spock is helping Accents R Us now so this wishing business should stop soon. It kinda bothers me to have to get rid of this though, everyone really likes it.” His tone turned teasing. “Well, everyone but you.”

“I don't dislike it, exactly.” Bones found he felt oddly defensive. “I just don't trust people not to kill themselves.”

“Right.” Jim naturally was unconvinced. “Then why haven't you tried it out yet? Wait, no, let me guess. You're a doctor, not a synchronized swimmer!”

“Is that really how I sound?” He knelt down by the water, making sure not to get too close to the edge.

“Hm?”

Bones shrugged. “No one's ever used that against me before. It makes me sound a bit condescending.”

“You can't seriously be worried about that after all this time.”

“Who said I was worried?” He shrugged. “I just didn't ever listen to myself.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

“Thanks for finally admitting it.” He stuck his left hand in the water. It was surprisingly warm, almost like a bath. Maybe he wouldn't use the slides, but the lazy river seemed promising.

Jim shook his head with a bemused smile. “Bones, you know what?”

“What?” That was when he felt a pair of hands fall on his shoulders. Oh God.

“You have got to...” Jim shoved. “...Lighten up!”

And with a large splash, down Leonard went into the water. Slowly he stood, spitting out the water he had gotten in his mouth. He also made a note to vaccinate himself before bed.

Jim, naturally, was doubled-over with laughter. Oh well that wasn't going to do at all, was it? Bones quickly hunched over as if he was in pain and put his hand over his eyes.

“Dammit Jim, that's not funny.” The laughter died immediately.

“Oh God, Bones, I'm sorry, here let me...” Reaching out his hand to help him, Jim could not see the smirk on his friend's features. It caused him to be too slow to react when Leonard pulled him into the water.

“Idiot.” He blew the wet hair out of his face with a smirk. Jim sat up in the water, sputtering and coughing. Bones offered him a hand up and he eyed it warily. Eventually he decided it was safe and he let himself be pulled into standing, although not without splashing the doctor on the way up. Bones rolled his eyes and kicked some water back at him.

“What's gotten into you?” Jim grinned.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you're just...you're goofing off. I don't think I've ever seen you do that before. It's always 'Dammit Jim' this and 'I'm not your one phone call' that.” He shook his head. “Not that I don't like you the other way, but it's nice.”

That was when he noticed two things.

The first was that the weird flipping feeling in his stomach wasn't going anywhere; it had, in fact taken up a permanent residence. Almost like he was giddy, which was ridiculous because...well it just was.

The second was that they were still holding hands.

He dropped Jim's hand like it was on fire and tried not to notice the contented look on the captain's face. Bones looked to the door of the deck. “We should probably call it a night, it's late and I'm not getting sick because of you.”

“Sure, Bones.” Just that quickly, the smug expression was gone. “I'll walk you.”

\-----

Despite the late hour, Nyota Uhura found herself carrying a tray from the mess hall with two cups of coffee and a mug of tea. Spock had indicated that they would be working well into the night, so she figured the least she could do was give them something to keep them going.

Humming to herself as she entered the engineering bay, she passed a man in a blue uniform that she didn't recognize. She nodded to him, and kept on her way when she stopped just short of the door.

She found herself staring at him as he passed, a frown forming on her face. There was something about him, but she couldn't put her finger on what it was. Deciding it wasn't really important, she knocked on the door. Without waiting for a reply, she went into the computer room.

“I have found absolutely nothing in the operating code to support such a change in the programming directives of this vessel. There appears to be no reason for the change.” Spock looked up at the other two. “The ship should not be granting these wishes and yet it obviously is.”

“Oh really?” Scotty said with a smug look on his face. “I can't imagine.”

“This is hardly the time for gloating, Mr. Scott.” In a rare show of fatigue, Spock sat back against his chair. “If we do not find a way to reverse this soon, there could be disastrous effects on the ship. People have already become injured as a result of the changes made. It is merely a matter of time before we exhaust resources and damage the Enterprise beyond repair.”

Uhura cleared her throat. “Coffee, guys.” She handed Spock the tea without a word. “You really think this could destroy the ship?”

“It could actually,” Scotty took his mug with a nod of thanks. “I mean, all the materials making things like the roller rink have to be coming from somewhere. Conservation of mass and all of that.”

Chekov took his coffee with shaking hands. Maybe she should have brought him milk or quaaludes instead. “Where is it coming from, anyways?”

Spock gathered his thoughts. “It can only logically be from our reserve stores of equipment.”

Uhura nodded. “You mean the tricorders and things.”

“Medical equipment as well I'd bet,” Scotty rubbed his chin. “Which means either we find a way to put it all back or Kirk makes the biggest requisition request in the history of the Starfleet. Pretty sure that wouldn't go over with the brass.”

“There is also matter of the general level of mania currently plaguing our personnel.”

Scotty didn't even look up from where he was going through system code once more. “Mania? It's like bleeding Spring Break up there.”

“At least half of our ship's staff are currently behaving as if they are on...'Spring Break,' as you say.” Spock looked as if just saying those words together were making him ill. “Although I admit I find it fascinating that productivity and efficiency are actually somewhat improving.”

“Well it is always nice to have a break,” Uhura smiled. “These things the ship's making are giving people outlets for their stress. They're not as frustrated working because they can go blow off steam after they're done. Plus you have to remember, we're the youngest crew in Starfleet; I think our median age is twenty-four. Young people like to have fun.” She shrugged.

“It could easily become a real distraction though,” the engineer said. “I mean don't get me wrong, on Delta Vega I'd have killed for this and I'm honestly a little annoyed I don't get to use it now. But if people start abandoning their posts for a limbo contest it'll be disastrous.”

“Um...” The trio looked at Chekov, who appeared rather troubled.

“Yeah, laddie?”

“How would you break spring?”

Somewhat embarrassingly, it took them all a moment to realize what he meant.

“No Pavel, Spring Break,” Uhura smiled. “Remember at the Academy in the spring semester when we'd get a week off from classes and everyone would go party? That's Spring Break.”

“Oh.” Pavel thought for a moment. “I never knew it had name, just knew cliff diving was fun.”

No one quite knew what to say to that.

“Right,” Scotty eyed Chekov warily as he opened yet another Red Bull. “The ultimate point is, we still can't find it. If it's somehow a virus or a bug, it's left no trace. Which is impossible.”

“Wish we could just see what is going on.” Chekov sighed.

At that, the monitors all lit up and a section of flashing code appeared right before their eyes. The three men all read the code together, Chekov and Scotty quickly growing annoyed. Spock seemed mildly relieved.

“That's it?” Scotty looked at the screen as if it had personally betrayed him. “That was all we had to do?”

“Yeah that seems, I don't know, really obvious,” Uhura said.

“Trying not to think of that,” Chekov muttered.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Scotty was furious.

“Lieutenant Commander,” Spock interrupted. “This outburst will not solve anything.”

“It'll make me feel better, Spock.” Scotty sat back down and placed his head in his hands for a moment. “All right, fine.” He cracked his knuckles.

“That's my cue.” As Nyota stood, she smoothed out a wrinkle in her uniform skirt. “I'm heading back to quarters. Good night Pavel, Scotty.” She smiled at Spock. “See you in a bit.” At that she took her leave.

“Okey dokey, let's get to it. The sooner we fix this, the sooner we can get some rest.” Scotty promptly pulled the code up in his system administrator window and typed in an override.

Nothing happened.

He tried another.

Nothing happened.

He tried five more overrides, each more high-security than the last.

Nothing happened.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps if I were to attempt?”

He would have rolled his eyes, but Scotty was honestly too confused. “Sure.” He and Spock traded places at the console. Spock quickly typed in one of his personal override commands.

Nothing happened.

They stared at the screen together for a moment before Chekov finally spoke.

“This is not funny any longer.”  
  
 _To be continued..._  
[Chapter Two](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/19389.html) | [Chapter Four](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/19749.html)


	4. Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 4/5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into sixty-three pages of I don't even know what.

_**Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 4/5**_  
Title: Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 4/5  
Series: Star Trek Star Trek Starrrr Treekkkkk...Reboot verse, specifically.  
Rating: PG/PG-13ish. There's swearing, but other than that it's okay.  
Summary: The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.  
Pairings: Jim/Bones, Spock/Uhura, mentions of previous Jim/Rand and Jim/Chekov (YOU READ THAT RIGHT)  
Disclaimers: Totally do not own anyone in this. It's purely for entertainment value, so please JJ Abrams and Paramount and people who handle Gene Roddenberry's estate, please be nice.  
Notes: For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into sixty-three pages of I don't even know what.

When last we left off, the crew of the Enterprise was getting completely rowdy, Kirk and Bones went swimming in their clothes, and Scotty was pissed at Spock's attitude. Also Sulu still rightfully thought everyone else was nuts.

  
The following morning, Spock found himself at a loss.

He stared at the bed with an eyebrow raised. He then walked over to their desk but there was nothing on it except for some documents and a PADD.

“Nyota, I appear to have misplaced my shirt,” he called to the bathroom.

Unfortunately, she was unable to hear him over the hair dryer.

He sighed and continued his search. It had to have been around there some place, he had laid it out the evening prior. There was a piece of blue peaking out from underneath a towel on the back of their desk chair. He removed the towel and there it was. He loved her dearly but sometimes Nyota could be a bit careless with her belongings.

“Did you need something?” She stepped out from their bathroom, hair loose and uniform on.

“I have located the item in question.”

As assumed, Spock, Scotty, and Chekov worked diligently until only two hours prior. They had tried every override code at their disposal and some that really weren't supposed to be. Spock had made a note to ask Scotty how he could have gotten Admiral Pike's overrides.

Eventually, the three of them were overcome by frustration and he suggested a two hour break. They were meeting up again on observation deck two with the captain before continuing their work.

“You know, I'm glad you all took the chance to get some rest,” Uhura said, mirroring his thoughts as she often did. She pulled her hair up into its usual high ponytail. “Running on empty won't solve anything; it'll only make the three of you careless.”

“I doubt Mr. Scott took any opportunity to rest, he was greatly determined to work until he finds a solution,” Spock adjusted his sleeves.

“Well, that's probably true,” she said as she tightened the band around her hair. “You know, I saw one of your lieutenants in that area last night.”

“That is illogical, that area is off limits.”

“That's what I thought too,” Nyota stopped for a moment. “I should have asked him what he was doing there. But definitely keep an eye out, he may have been the one responsible for everything going on.”

“I shall make a note.” Spock suddenly remembered a question he had been meaning to ask her. “Nyota, to what does 'crashing like a freight train' refer?”

She furrowed her brow. “I'd need the context.”

“Mister Scott used it in reference to Mister Chekov's consumption of caffeine. I must admit I fail to see what an antiquated mode of travel has to do with the beverages he consumes.”

“Oh dear,” Nyota put on her earrings. “In that case it means...like coming down from a rush. Caffeine has been keeping him going for the last few days, so once he stops he's going to be out for a long time recovering.”

“I see.” He looked thoughtful. “Perhaps I will make a recommendation that he and the Lieutenant Commander be given personal leave once this is finished.”

“I think they'd appreciate that.” She looked at the chronometer. “We should both get going, we'll be late.” With a smile, she kissed him goodbye. All this time and he still gave her goosebumps. He was on his way out the door when she grabbed her towel off the back of their desk chair.

Normally she wouldn't have switched shifts, but she really wanted to check out that wave pool.

\-----

True to what Spock had guessed, Scotty had not taken the time off to rest and instead had kept at the task at hand. Part of that was he knew from all of his time on Delta Vega that if he stopped he would crash and be out for at least a day, but mostly it was because he was sick of the ship's problems and just wanted it gone.

Honestly, it was ridiculous. Once they saw what the problem code was, they should have been able to repair it easily. The ship was somehow locking them out of it and nothing in his bag of tricks was working to change that.

When he found the person responsible for this hack job, he was going to do two things: kick them in the groin, and then pick their brain for tips. Both of those things he felt were only fair.

He made his way to a turbo lift and pushed the button for observation deck two. He wasn't sure why the captain wanted to meet him and Chekov there, but he wasn't one to argue. The lift paused at one of the other floors and Chekov joined him.

The kid looked terrible, he had huge circles under his eyes and was still shaking slightly. He felt a pang of pity as he looked him over.

“Were you able to get some sleep, lad?”

“No.” Chekov sighed as he shifted from one foot to the other. “Knew if I stopped, would not get back up. Had more coffee instead.”

Oh lord. “It'll be over soon,” he tried to say reassuringly. Chekov looked at him with a dull expression.

“Not soon enough.”

The door chimed and they stepped onto the deck. “Chekov, Scotty, there you are!” Kirk greeted them warmly, Spock following closely behind him.

“There is water park?” That had put the life back into the Russian. “No one told me about water park!”

“I know, it's awesome isn't it?” Kirk had that look again. Spock cleared his throat. “I mean, it's awesomely...dangerous.”

Chekov already had removed his boots and socks and was running towards a tube slide. “Be back!”

The captain looked annoyed. “Seriously, everyone gets to go down the slides but me. Being captain sucks.” He turned to Spock and Scotty. “How close do you think we are to having this wrapped up?”

“Should be by the time we orbit Spira at the latest.” Scotty shrugged. “Although it seems kind of a shame to lose this. Looks like everyone's really relishing it and I'd like to get a chance to myself.”

“That's what I say!” Kirk grumbled as he looked at his happy crew. Responsibility was useless if it hurt people that mattered to you. He glanced around the deck and he saw Uhura in the wave pool. “Hey Spock, isn't that your girlfriend over there? And shouldn't she be on duty?”

Remarkably, Spock did a double-take. “Pardon me for a moment.” He made his way over to where indeed Lieutenant Uhura was jumping waves with Yeoman Harrison.

“BREAK SPRING WOOOOOOOOO!” Chekov screamed from the top. Cheers went up from the crowd as he quickly made his way down the tube slide and into the pool. The ensign stood and squeezed the water out of his hair. “Again!” He began to head to the line for a second run when Kirk grabbed him. “Nuts.”

“Chekov, you have a job to do remember?”

“How could I forget? No one lets me.” Chekov actually glared at him as he yanked his arm away.

Jim raised both eyebrows. “Since you haven't slept properly in two days, I'll let that go. Look guys, here's the reason why I asked you up here. I like the water park and think it's good for morale.” He glanced back over to his first officer and communications officer, who was steadfastly refusing to get out of the water. “So I want to keep it. If we can fix the compute and just somehow not get rid of it...well, I'm okay with that. Consider it a sizable thank you for a job well done.”

At this, Chekov was perked back up. “Really? We can keep it? What about roller rink?”

“Don't push it.”

“One out of two is not bad.” Chekov shrugged.

Suddenly, a huge ear-splitting shriek filled the room.

The three of them turned to stare at the sudden commotion. Spock was flailing by the wave pool, shaking water off of his uniform. Uhura stood near him in the water smirking.

“My God,” Scotty murmured. “There's no way we can get rid of this now, it'd be morally wrong. You've got yourself a deal.”

The look on Kirk's face was akin to that of a child on Christmas morning. “Guys, do me a solid and get the security video feed of that.”

“Consider it done.”

\-----

There was irony in a botanist having hay fever, Sulu thought as he made his way to sick bay for his second shot that week. He didn't mind it, he had no problem with hyposprays or anything. It just was funny that of his hobbies, this was the one that caused him issues with his health and not the fencing.

“Afternoon, Christine,” he said as he walked through the door. Nurse Chapel looked at him and smiled.

“Hey, Hikaru. The doctor's got your stuff set up over there.” She pointed to the usual bio bed with a silver tray next to it. He nodded and took his seat. Eventually McCoy came out of his office and something about his demeanor seemed different, like he was less tense than usual. Sulu raised an eyebrow.

“Things going well for you, Doc?”

Bones made a non-committal sound as he looked over the hypospray. “Sure.”

Sulu fought to keep a smile off his face. “Oh?”

“Don't try to play innocent, Jim told me.” Satisfied, the doctor set the hypospray down and checked something off on his PADD. “Who's side are you supposed to be on, anyways?”

Busted.

Hikaru shrugged. “Sorry, but we were the ones who had to tell him, not the other way around. And he insisted on surprising you. He went so far as to threaten us all with gamma shift for six months if we didn't go along with it.”

“Figures. He never was one to play fair,” Mccoy sounded...was he pleased? He made another set of notes on his PADD and picked up the hypo again. Having done this dozens of times before, Sulu tilted his head to the side for easier access. McCoy gently jabbed him with the hypospray and he was done.

“Is it really so terrible?”

The doctor quickly disposed of the used hypospray. “What now?”

“Dating Kirk. Is it really so terrible?”

There was a slight pause before the doctor said “It's okay.” Not exactly glowing praise and gushing, but from McCoy it spoke volumes. He was working up the nerve to ask if the doctor might be reciprocating when the captain's voice suddenly rang out.

“Hey Bones!” Kirk stopped short when he realized he was with a patient. Kirk nodded a hello with a grin, but Sulu was paying more attention to McCoy. It was barely noticeable and he wasn't sure if the doctor even realized he did it, but he relaxed at the captain's voice. “I was coming to see if you wanted to grab some lunch but you're busy. I'll come back later.”

“Actually, the doctor and I were done,” Sulu stood up. “Right?”

As if just remembering he was there, McCoy looked at Sulu for a moment before answering. “Yeah, we're all wrapped up. See you in a few days, Sulu.”

“Sure.” He started to walk out of the medical wing when he looked back over his shoulder. He could barely hear Kirk say something about Spock and water, but he definitely saw him nudge the doctor's shoulder with his own. He could also see that the corners of McCoy's lips kept twitching upwards, as if he was trying not to smile.

Once he was out the door, Sulu couldn't help but smile himself.

\-----

After a quick detour to Chekov's quarters so he could change into dry clothing, Spock and company found themselves on the way back to the main computer room. They had just passed the shuttle bay and were on their way back to the main computer room when Spock noticed a dark-haired man walking nearby.

That was curious. He was in a blue uniform for the science department, yet this area was primarily off-limits to personnel with similar credentials. Quickly remembering Nyota's words, he stopped and stared at the figure ahead of them.

“Everything all right, Spock?” Scotty asked when he had stopped moving.

“That man...I do not believe he belongs here. If you would allow me just a moment.” He walked ahead of the two and quickly caught up with the man. “Excuse me.”

The man stopped. “Yes?”

“I must apologize for I cannot recall your name, Lieutenant...?”

The man grinned. “Brooks, Lieutenant Brooks.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “There is only one Lieutenant Brooks assigned to this vessel and _she_ is restricted from accessing this area.” This was enough to finally stop the man in his tracks.

“...I suppose I had to get caught sooner or later,” the man sighed. “But I've had a good run.”

Spock raised an eyebrow as he heard Chekov and Scotty come up behind him. Getting a good look at him, he noticed that the man was slightly over-weight with a thick mustache and about the same age as the captain. “I am afraid I do not understand. To what do you refer?”

“Oh, it was only temporary. I was going to set everything back to rights before I left.” He held up a disc in his left hand. “See you never write a program without a back up plan.”

“Back up plan?” Scotty was incredulous. That couldn't possibly mean...

“You did this to ship?” Chekov, however, was seething.

“Well I...”Before anyone could stop him, Chekov had punched the intruder in the face. The man fell to the ground like a sack of bricks. “Was that really necessary?” He held his hand over his left eye. “I mean, we were just having a conversation.”

“I have not slept in two days because of you, you cossack. Have had to sacrifice my normal duties and mealtimes all because of you.”

Scotty's face met his palm with a loud smack. Spock blinked.

“Stand down, Ensign. Lieutenant Commander, please call security.” Spock pulled out his communicator. “Commander Spock to Captain Kirk.”

“You have got to be kidding” was heard over the commlink. “What now, Spock?”

“Captain, Mr. Scott, Ensign Chekov, and myself are currently holding an intruder in our custody by the main computer room. He admits to having sabotaged the ship.”

There was a pause as Kirk presumably put his hand over his communicator. There was the sound of a muffled conversation and finally, the captain came back online. “Be there in two minutes, Kirk out.”

Cupcake and his security team had mobilized in record time and had the stranger surrounded. Spock folded his hands behind his back. “You will explain how you managed to sabotage this ship.”

The dark-haired man grinned up at Spock and Scotty through his rapidly swelling black eye. “Oh I'm harmless, really, laddie-buck. I'll be on my way at the next space port, don't you worry yourself about me.”

Just then, the captain arrived with McCoy in tow. Spock allowed himself a slight grimace as he realized that he had yet again interrupted them. The stranger glanced up at them, then stopped and stared at the captain.

“Jamie?” He stroked his mustache thoughtfully. “Jamie Kirk, is that really you? What a sight for sore eyes!”

“You!” Jim shouted.

Scotty glanced at McCoy and mouthed "Jamie?" The doctor just shrugged.

“Harry,” the captain spat. “How did you get on my ship?”

Quite understandably, Spock was confused. “Captain, you know this man?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Harcourt Fenton Mudd, the only other genius-level repeat offender in the midwest.”

Harry Mudd grinned. “Well I obviously outgrew it just as you did, laddie-buck. Much more opportunities out here in space than back home, wouldn't you say?”

“You did this on purpose.” Jim's hands were balled into fists. “You stowed away on my ship just to get at me.”

“Oh don't think so highly of yourself,” Harry rolled his eyes. “On Rigel, I...got into a spot of trouble.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “You conned some people and they got wise to you.”

Undeterred, Harry continued his story. “Well then I borrowed a shuttlecraft...”

“You stole it.”

“For some reason, the local law enforcement came after me. I tried to reason with them...”

“You started a police chase.”

“And the ship somehow got damaged as a result...”

“They shot at you.”

Harry glared at him. “Hasn't anyone ever told you it's impolite to interrupt? Anyways, the navigation system became disabled and I was going to be stuck when I noticed a starship within range. Using the transporter pad, I beamed aboard here and gave your ship a little...suggestion so I could stay.”

“A suggestion?” Scotty folded his arms. “So you did change the programming.”

“I prefer to think of it not as a subroutine but as a sorely-needed change in programming directives. But yes, if you insist.” The grin came back to the con-man's face. “Your ship started to alert everyone to an intruder being on board. I simply told it that I wished to stay here and it obliged. I made it have a specific code phrase so that way not just anyone could use it. Perfectly harmless.”

“Harmless?” Scotty was floored. “You have no idea what's been going on. There's a roller rink, for God's sake. Does it sound harmless?”

Harry bit his lip. “Well, how was I to know that your crew would figure it out? I mean, I've dealt with Starfleet before and you'll forgive me but you don't tend to be the smartest group.”

“You put this thing into my ship so you could hang out on board.” Kirk, understandably, was furious. “Put him in the brig. We'll hand him off for sabotage at the next starbase.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I should think that perhaps Mr. Mudd could be of assistance with our current predicament. After all, he is the one who wrote the program. He should then be able to aid myself, Mr. Scott and Mr. Chekov in disabling it.” He grabbed the disc out of the man's hand and handed it to Scotty.

“Good point.” The captain leaned dangerously close to his intruder. Wisely, Harry flattened himself into the wall. “This is how this is going to work. From now on you work with the three of them. You get rid of this ridiculous...whatever this is. You put my ship back the way it belongs. And then you go to the brig. If you so much as set one pinky out of line, I personally will take you to the authorities unconscious and bleeding. Do we have an understanding?”

Harry pouted. “You're all absolutely no fun.”

“Good.” Kirk looked at his engineer and navigator. “Let's get to it, guys.”

Chekov sighed. Scotty gently pat the young man's arm.

“Aye, sir.”

\-----

“So, I'm sorry about lunch,” Kirk said as they walked together out of engineering.

“It was worth it to not only see Spock angry but for the kid to have punched someone,” Bones shrugged. He had been a bit disappointed at first, but it was quickly made up for in sheer entertainment value.

“Right.” They walked together in companionable silence for a while, close enough that sometimes their hands brushed together. The doctor found he didn't mind. “So I was thinking...”

Bones found he couldn't resist. “Did it hurt?”

“Oh come on, we both know that's not up to your usual standard.” Jim stuck his tongue out at him. “I've decided that instead of us going to the observation deck tonight that we should try dinner in my quarters again. I promise I'll adhere to the rules and I won't hold the chair out for you this time.”

If there was one thing he would tease Jim about until the day he died, it was that. “Yeah, what was that?”

Jim shrugged. “It seemed like the right thing to do. So what do you say?”

“That sounds all right.” Having reached their destination, they stood by the sick bay door smiling at each other for a while. “I should get back to work.”

“Wait a second first,” Jim said. He licked his lips and the silence felt heavy between them.

“Hm?” He probably should have moved or gone inside or something; instead he let Jim kiss him, quick and soft. Satisfied at not having gotten punched in the mouth for his trouble, the captain quickly took advantage and did it again, cupping Leonard's cheek with one hand.

They stayed joined until finally breathing became a necessity. Once they broke apart, Jim was grinning. He ran his fingers through his hair, then he started to walk away.

“See you tonight, Bones.”

With a smile, Bones waved to him as he stepped inside the med bay.

Chapel took one look at him and grinned. He immediately scowled.

“What are you staring at? Go sterilize something.”

Rolling her eyes, she walked away to the storeroom. As soon as she was out of view, he allowed himself to start smiling again. It really had been a long time since he felt this light. He was...he was happy. He hadn't been happy since...since...

Oh.

Oh, this was no good. This was no good at all.

\-----

“What do you mean it's not working?” Kirk glared at Mudd. “You wrote both the program and the fix. How can it not work?”

Immediately after dropping Bones back at med bay, Kirk had been called back to Engineering by Spock. Apparently there were complications with Harry's quick fix.

Chekov looked as if he was going to punch the man again. Wisely afraid of getting hit, Harry covered his face with his hands.

“Well you see, I didn't account for the sub-routine...evolving. It was never supposed to do anything as sophisticated as make an entire roller rink, Kirk. I hadn't realized that the new replicator technology would react in such a way, and the program I wrote combined with it has made something that my counter-agent simply will not fix.”

Kirk grabbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Shit! This whole thing gives me a headache.” He exhaled slowly and looked at the four men in front of him. “What else have you got?”

“Right now, not much,” Scotty admitted. “Computer, I wish for the captain to see what we're dealing with.”

The screen before them shifted from a readout of the operating code to one simple block. The block looked mostly like gibberish to Kirk, but he was able to make sense of “program code alpha-lima-alpha-delta-delta-india-november.”

Kirk knew he wasn't the best with computers, but the answer seemed pretty simple. “I don't understand. If you can see it that easily, then why can't we just wish it gone?”

“You think we have not tried?” Chekov snapped. Everyone stared at him, causing the navigator to sigh. “Sorry, captain.”

“When we attempt that,” Scotty finally managed. “It just hides when that wish is made. Then we have to find it again. Last time it took three hours to locate.”

Terrific.

Kirk sighed again. “Options, gentlemen?”

“Well our software was just updated,” Scotty began after a moment. “If we can figure out a way to set everything back to the upgrade date, that might do it.” He grimaced. “Assuming the computer doesn't lock us out of that as well, that is.”

“Can you have this resolved before we hit orbit in twelve hours?”

Chekov looked at Scotty, who in turn looked at Spock. Spock merely raised an eyebrow.

“The likelihood of us succeeding in that time frame is forty-nine point nine nine nine percent.”

“So it's about fifty-fifty.” The captain thought for a moment. “It's worth a go. I know you guys are tired but I'm asking you to bear with me and keep at this just a little bit longer. I'll owe you three a week's extra shore leave.”

Chekov's eyes widened. “Extra shore leave and water park?” He immediately got back to work.

Harry coughed. “Since I'm being a good sport about this, laddie-buck, I assume there's something in this for me as well.”

Kirk considered for a moment. “No, Harry, you're still going to jail.” Harry glared at him. “I've got to get going, so if it's an emergency---” He pointedly looked at Spock, who was suddenly very interested in the Enterprise's operating code. “---Call me.”

“Aye Captain,” Scotty saluted. Harry just muttered under his breath.

\-----

Somehow without causing further injury to any of his patients, McCoy got through the rest of his shift.

He had purposefully thought about all of the times Jim had gotten on his nerves in the past, things like keeping him out late partying or foolishly risking his life on the latest mission. And yes, the annoyance was still present but it was outweighed by a kind-of lightness he hadn't felt in years.

It was easier when he was just feeling things without putting a name to them, he realized. Now that he knew it was butterflies and affection, it was a lot harder for him to ramp them down, box them up, and push them to the back of his mind.

So. Jim had feelings for him. And now he had feelings for Jim. Apparently everyone else on this ship was aware of these two facts and thought it was the most spectacular thing since puppies.

How could a group made up of so many otherwise intelligent people be so completely wrong about something?

They were sitting on the floor next to Jim's coffee table while having sushi. The sake was warm, the conversation pleasant, and there was music but it was quiet and unobtrusive, unlike the last time where it was screaming LEONARD MCCOY I PAY ATTENTION. It should have been perfect as far as evenings went.

Except every time Jim casually brushed their hands together or smiled at him and his heart would skip a little, he found himself pushing it aside for the anxiety that would start all over again. It was pretty ridiculous, it wasn't really like Jim had done anything to warrant it, but it was still there.

“So this whole computer thing...I think it'll be over soon,” Jim said as he poured some soy sauce onto this plate.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. Turns out between the Enterprise's systems and what Harry wrote, it's more complicated than it should be and has moved past Harry's clean up program. So now the four of them are trying to figure out a way to get around it. Apparently it's locked them all out. Once they get around that they'll have it done in no time I bet.”

Bones looked up at that. “You mean you just left them with Harry? Shouldn't you be helping?”

“How am I supposed to help? Everyone knows computers aren't my thing. I'd just get in the way.” He shrugged. “I know they'll get it. I've got the best crew in Starfleet. “ Jim smiled as he said it, mostly because he knew it was true. “How's your eel?”

“It's fine. Where did you get this anyways?”

“Um.” A guilty look passed the captain's features for a moment. “I may have asked the computer for it.”

Bones put down his chopsticks. “What?”

Jim shrugged. “Well I mean...everyone else has been doing it. I figured, what's the harm in using it a little myself? Might as well take advantage before it's gone.”

“You can't be serious.”

Jim smiled. “I seldom joke about food.”

This was unbelievable. “Jim, just because your crew does it doesn't make it okay. Last I checked Captains are kind of a role model for their crew. What happens if people find out?”

“What, are you going to tell them?” Jim sighed. “Bones, it's not a big deal.”

“No Jim it is a big deal, it's a very big deal. How are you supposed to control your crew if you can't even control yourself?”

“It's one dinner. The ship isn't going to explode because I ordered one dinner.” The captain had furrowed his brow. “Why are you even worried about this?'

“Why are you not?” Bones put his chopsticks down. “You're letting four people do whatever they want to your ship without you paying attention while you go off having a nice dinner. You're just onto the next wacky adventure, just like always.”

“What do you mean, wacky adventure?” Jim narrowed his eyes. “Are we still talking about the computer thing?”

Bones let out his breath with a sharp hiss. “Stop acting like an idiot, you know what I mean. I'm not going to explain it because you should know.”

“Well shit, now I know we're in a relationship,” Jim muttered.

“Don't start that bullshit again. We've been on four dates, Jim. We're not dating. There's a difference.”

“There's no difference at all, really.” Jim narrowed his eyes. “And it's five. The first one may have been bad, but it's five.”

“Like it matters.”

“Well it does, at least to me.” He reached out and took one of McCoy's hands in his own. “I mean, this is a big deal for me. When have I ever seen someone this many times?”

The doctor yanked his hand away. “Don't.”

“Don't what?”

“Don't do that. Don't touch me and act like things are okay.” He folded his arms across his chest. “They're not.”

“Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. I mean seriously, I'm working in the dark here. I mentioned how I ordered dinner and suddenly you're freaking out on me.”

“I'm not freaking out.” He was actually freaking out, but not for the reasons Jim suspected and he certainly hadn't expected Jim to react this way. Normally when he would bitch at Jim about something, Jim would just roll his eyes and make a snotty comment back. This was almost as if Jim was taking his words to heart.

“Right, no try again. This is different from your normal charming disposition, Bones, this is...it feels really personal. I mean you're snapping at me over dinner, now you're telling me not to touch you. I mean, at lunch it was like we were on the same page about everything. Hell, five minutes ago everything was fine.”

He picked up the chopsticks again and started poking at the food on his plate. “Don't worry about it.”

“Don't worry about it?” It was the captain's turn to be annoyed. “How am I supposed to do that? I can't even figure out why you're pissed and I've never had that problem before. What is going on?”

“It doesn't matter Jim. Just don't worry about it. We'll go back to eating and pretend like this didn't happen.” Bones took a sip of water. “It'll be good practice for later.”

Jim suddenly froze. “Is that what this is about?” His expression became hurt. “You seriously think that I'm that shallow that I'm going to just drop you one day?” Jim raked his hands through his hair. “I've been really trying to make an effort here, and after everything the past few days you still have such a low opinion of me that you're believing the worst?”

“That's just it, you keep saying that you're trying but you're incapable of being serious. You blow off everything when it gets hard, whether it's your duties or people. You just knowingly used a fault in your computer's program for dinner after blowing off your crew for a date. You're nothing more than a flakey idiot who when things get hard he just takes off onto the next shiny thing that comes along. Of course I expect the worst!”

The moment the words left his mouth, he knew they were a mistake.

“I see.”

“Jim...” He was quickly silenced by Jim holding up one hand in the universal “don't talk” gesture.

“You really haven't paid attention, have you? Because if you had, you'd realize that I've been changing for months because of wanting to be with you. You'd see how you're not just some random notion, and this arrangement was supposed to prove that to you.” Jim's face was stony and pale, but his eyes were full of hurt. “Here I thought this whole time you were just scared I'd get bored or something, but the reality is you don't take me seriously. So fine, consider the experiment ended. I'm calling this off.” He stood up and took his plate to his sink. “You should probably go.”

He should have stayed to fix it, he felt. He should have stayed, and apologized for being thoughtless. He should have taken back what he said and asked for a do-over of their evening together.

Leonard McCoy instead got up and walked out the door.

 _To be concluded..._   
[Chapter Three](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/19698.html) | [Chapter Five + Epilogue](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/20189.html)


	5. Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 5/5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into sixty-three pages of I don't even know what.

_**Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 5/5**_  
Title: Variations on a Theme (Science versus Romance) 5/5  
Series: Star Trek Star Trek Starrrr Treekkkkk...Reboot verse, specifically.  
Rating: PG/PG-13ish. There's swearing, but other than that it's okay.  
Summary: The Enterprise comes down with a bug. Jim decides to show Bones that they're meant to be. These two things are related.  
Pairings: Jim/Bones, Spock/Uhura, mentions of previous Jim/Rand and Jim/Chekov (YOU READ THAT RIGHT)  
Disclaimers: Totally do not own anyone in this. It's purely for entertainment value, so please JJ Abrams and Paramount and people who handle Gene Roddenberry's estate, please be nice.  
Notes: For the purposes of this fanfic, replicator technology exists. I suggest if that's going to bug you a lot that you shouldn't read it. Also, this is a romantic-comedy/crackfic that somehow evolved into sixty-three pages of I don't even know what.

When last we left off, the crew of the Enterprise was still nuts, Scotty Chekov and Spock had found the person responsible for the whole mess, Harry Mudd was caught and unhappy about it, Bones was a complete idiot and Jim was mad. Let's see how they all wrap things up.

  
After cleaning up the mess from dinner, Jim Kirk realized he had several options facing him in order to vent his frustrations.

The first was getting hammered. The tried and true method of drinking away his pain had worked on many birthdays and bad occasions. Unfortunately, it was out of the question as he needed to be up for a mission first thing in the morning. Besides, it was no fun to do alone.

The second was sex. Well, there was only one person he was interested in doing that with and clearly that wasn't going to happen. Not only did making time with a random crew member not appeal to him, all it would do is prove _somebody_ right. Needless to say, he was in absolutely no mood for that.

The third was an oldie, but a goodie. At this time of night, the main gym should be practically deserted. That was perfect as he didn't really feel like dealing with people at all. He quickly changed into a pair of track pants and a Starfleet Academy t-shirt and made his way out the door.

If he was going to be this angry, he might as well be productive and try to break his old mile time.

The unfortunate thing about the ship's layout was that the new roller rink was not too far from the gym and that meant possibly running into people who were having fun. He was really not in the mood to make smalltalk.

Fate was not kind to him as the first people he saw were Sulu and Uhura. They had stepped out of the rink for a break, both of them laughing at something. He tried to quicken his pace so they wouldn't notice him.

“Captain, hey!” Sulu suddenly shouted. Terrific.

He stopped and turned to nod at them. “Sulu. Uhura.”

“I figured you had plans, we weren't expecting to see you here.” Uhura smirked. “Hey how's the reading coming?”

“Not now, Lieutenant,” he snapped. The look on her face quickly soured and he cringed. “That is, I'll be finished when we beam down. See you both tomorrow.” Without another word, he took back off for the gym.

“What was that about?” Uhura finally asked.

Sulu watched the captain go with a frown. He was pretty sure there was only one person that could have put Kirk in such a state, but he wanted to find him to be sure. “Hey Nyota, do you mind if I take off? There's something I think I need to take care of.”

She shook her head. “No go on, they're about to announce the winners of the Limbo contest anyways. I'll just see you when we beam down.” She turned and went back inside as Sulu began to make his way to the turbo lift.

He'd start out with sick bay.

\-----

Some time later, Leonard found himself alone on the observation deck. He sat in what he had somehow started referring to as his and Jim's spot and looked up into space.

It was funny, he had always avoided the observation decks before. It was much easier for him to rationalize being on a spaceship when he couldn't, you know, see space being all around him. The aviaphobia hadn't disappeared because he got a job, after all. He took anti-anxiety medicine to regulate the panic attacks and avoided looking out into the black at all costs. Simple, but effective.

Now he found he couldn't stay away from this part of the ship. He wasn't obtuse enough to not know the reason why, but right now that fact was making him feel terrible.

He and Jim had rarely fought in all of the time that they had known one another. Truthfully, he had never met anyone he was so naturally in sync with; where he was cold, Jim was hot and instead of it causing conflict, they balanced each other perfectly. After everything he'd been through, he really needed that balance.

As much as he bitched about Jim, having him around made it easier to breathe in many ways.  
Which is why he found himself so scared; he needed Jim in his life and if they dated and it all fell apart, he wouldn't have that anymore.

He would lose everything.

Really, it was better that Jim had called it off. This way, they each only got a little hurt now. In a few days, everything would probably be fine with no lasting harm to their friendship.

Right?

He was so lost in his thoughts, he almost didn't hear the other person come onto the deck and sit down next to him. When he finally glanced up, he saw Lieutenant Sulu sitting indian-style. The pilot smiled at him.

“Rough night?”

Bones snorted.

Sulu merely nodded in reply. They stayed silent for a time like that and just watched the streaks of stars go by. The company wasn't unwelcome, they were friends after all. He knew at least he hadn't completely ruined that relationship.

Dammit, Jim. He sighed, causing the other man to glance at him sideways.

“You know, my parents. They almost didn't get married.” Sulu began. “My mom had a fiance before my dad, you see, and it ended really badly. He cheated on her and she was devastated.” He paused before continuing.

“Well, then she met my father, and he knew from the moment he set eyes on her that she was the one. So he did everything you could name to get her attention, but she wasn't having any of it. She was scared. I mean, if she had been hurt so badly once why wouldn't it happen again, right?”

He never took his eyes off the stars, even once Bones started staring at him.

“Eventually, Mom realized that she had a big choice to make. She could live in fear, not get hurt, not take a chance, and be alone...or she could let her walls down and maybe have it all. That just because dad had the same taste in women as her ex, it didn't make him the same person and that things could in fact be different. Maybe even wonderful.”

McCoy found himself hanging on to every word.

“Sometimes you have to let go, in order to know what's right.” Sulu continued. “Well, since I exist and my folks are about to celebrate their thirtieth anniversary, I think it's obvious how the story ends.”

There was a long, comfortable silence.

“Sulu,” the doctor began. “I don't know...I mean...thanks.”

“For what?” Sulu raised an eyebrow. “I was just talking about my parents.” The lieutenant stood, brushing non-existent dust off of his pants. “Have a good night, doc. See you when we beam down.” He made his way out the door and Bones sat alone once again with his thoughts.

He thought more about the last few months and...Jim hadn't so much as flirted with anyone else the past few days. It had been two months since Jim had needed to be hospitalized. It had taken three dates before he had even tried to kiss him.

How could he have not seen it sooner? No wonder he had been so upset when Leonard had called him a flake. He was trying so hard and it had been thrown back in his face.

It also stood to reason that since he and Jim had stayed close through everything else they had been through, that their friendship was in fact strong enough to survive starting a romantic relationship. It would also stand to reason that, provided Jim had not changed his mind in a few hours and he was given a chance to apologize before getting shot with a phaser, that they could survive this. Slowly, a plan began to form.

Now the only question was...how to execute it?

\-----

The next morning, Jim Kirk had decided he was sick of the engineering bay. At that moment in time, he was honestly sick of a lot of things.

He certainly was in no mood to beam down to the planet and play nice with the people of Spira, but he didn't really have a say in that. The dossier mentioned that the Spirans were very celebratory of their emotions and were somewhat distrustful of stoic people as a result. So he couldn't really send Spock in his place this time, as much as he wanted to.

The usual suspects were standing in front of the ship's main computer, looking oddly pleased with themselves. He took his place next to Spock. “Well?”

“Captain, there may be a way to reset the programming directives to what they were before Mr. Mudd implanted his directives,” his first officer said. He knew Spock well enough to know that he was proud.

“Finally some good news.” Kirk sighed. “How, by just wishing it gone?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Spock raised an eyebrow. “We have attempted that several times and all that resulted was the condition masking itself in another section of the ship's operating code.”

Kirk clucked his tongue. “Clever girl.” Harry preened. He quickly stopped once Kirk glared at him. “All right then, how do we get rid of this?”

“It will involve a complete restore of the ship's main computer and the only person with clearance high enough to carry this out is you. It will need to be restored to the last update in software from our repairs at starbase three. As the ship is not due for another update for several months, there is no other version of software to override this.”

“I don't understand what you're asking me to do.”

“Crash the computer, captain.” Chekov smiled. “Crash it and tell it to restart.”

Yikes. “Won't the engines fail if I do that?”

“No, they run on a separate system that requires specific manual overrides.” Scotty was grateful for all of the fail safes installed in Federation ships. “All of the other systems including life support will shut down for the two minutes it takes to reboot, however.”

“Well, we can live without the gravity. We have an air supply of longer than two minutes right?”

Scotty did some quick math. “Provided no one on board is a chain smoker, about thirty minutes worth.”

“Any patients on life support in sick bay?”

Spock was able to answer this one. “None, captain.”

“Okay then. Chekov, make a ship wide announcement about the systems going down please.” The ensign scrambled to the nearest commlink to do as he was told. “I have to crash this computer. How to do that?”

“Captain, a suggestion?”

“Sure, Spock.”

“If you were to wish for something the ship cannot provide, I believe the computer would cease functioning.”

Kirk rolled his eyes. “Spock, the ship has provided in no order a water park, a pony, a roller rink, and go karts. At this point what could I possibly ask for that it won't make?”

Spock considered for a moment. “Perhaps something intangible?”

Intangible...Kirk was struck with sudden inspiration. “I've got it.” He went up to the mainframe. “Computer, I wish for more wishes.”

The computer ran for a moment before stopping. _**Repeat, please.**_

“I said, I wish for more wishes.” Kirk repeated.

The computer ran for another moment. **_Cannot complete function._**

“But I wish for you to. I wish for more wishes.”

 _  
**There is no limit on the amount of wishes one can make. Cannot complete function.**   
_

“It's the only thing I want. I wish for more wishes, computer, and that's an order.” Kirk couldn't help but smile. Maybe Bones was right and he was secretly five. However brief it was, the thought of the doctor was enough to change his smile into a grimace.

The computer ran for another moment or two when suddenly it shut down. “Computer, override command seven-bravo-six-whiskey-tango-eight stardate twenty-two five-nine-three ten.”

The room went dark and the men all began to float as the artificial gravity went down. They stayed silent, each of them hoping it would work. At the two minute point exactly, the lights all came back on one at a time. The gravity then stabilized and they all unfortunately landed rather harshly on the floor.

“That always was my least favorite part of the simulators,” Kirk muttered. “Did it work?”

“Let's test it,” Scotty rubbed his hands together. “Computer, I wish for a ham sandwich.”

Nothing happened.

Scotty let out a loud whoop and grabbed Chekov. The two of them started dancing the polka around the engineering room. In spite of himself, Kirk smiled at the pair.

“Finally I can have break! Finally this is over!” Chekov sang as they whirled around the room.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Mr. Chekov, we transport down to the surface of Spira in two hours. If you recall, both yourself and Mr. Scott are in the landing party.”

The dancing abruptly stopped.

Chekov looked like someone had kicked him. “But...”

“It is routine fact-finding that should be over relatively early. Provided Captain Kirk finds it acceptable, I am authorizing you both for two days of personal leave once we have completed our mission.” Kirk nodded in approval; it was the absolute least they could do.

Scotty and Chekov looked at each other. After a moment, Chekov started jumping up and down and pumping his fists in the air.

“Break Spring woo!”

Scotty was slightly more subdued. “Thank you Captain. Between that and the water park, you've been awesome.” The two promptly resumed dancing.

At the words “water park,” Spock gave the captain a look. Kirk shrugged.

“Well if that's all Spock, Harry can go to the brig now.”

Harry had been sneaking to the door when he heard his name. “Blast.”

Taking his cue, Cupcake came into the room and grabbed Harry by the arm. His security team quickly escorted Mudd to the brig, where he was going to stay until he could be turned over to the proper authorities.

“Captain,” Spock seemed oddly hesitant. “May I have a moment of your time?”

“Whatever.” He moved out of the way of the celebration and stood to the side. Spock soon was right in front of him.

Spock hesitated. “Lieutenant Uhura mentioned her conversation with you last evening. Is everything all right?”

He always was bad at hiding how he felt. “No Spock, it's not.”

Somehow, the Vulcan seemed more serious than usual. “Does this have something to do with Doctor McCoy?”

He sighed. “It''ll be okay, Spock. I'll live.” He smiled again, but this one he didn't really feel. “We beam down in two hours. Take the time to relax a bit before we have to have our game faces on.” He turned and began to make his way out the door.

“Certainly, Jim. You as well.” With his back turned, the captain missed the frown on his friend's face.

\-----

The transporter room was tense as Scotty, Spock, Uhura, and McCoy prepared to beam down. The away team was beaming down in shifts, with the captain, Chekov, and Sulu following them in a few minutes.

McCoy shifted on his pad awkwardly. He had been hoping Jim would be going with him so he could try to catch him before they went on-planet to clear everything up. Not for the first time, it occurred to him that Jim was probably avoiding him. So he just had to make sure he got him in a place he couldn't get away from and if that happened to be during a mission, well so be it.

After his conversation with Sulu, he had finalized his plan of attack for dealing with the Jim situation. The plan went pretty much as follows; corner Jim, apologize, explain, pray he didn't get punched, and apologize more if necessary. Best case scenario would end with them together.

He was also prepared for the worst case scenario, that Jim would not only tell him to go fuck himself but that he would want nothing more to do with him. After all, he had really put himself on the line and Leonard had thrown it back in his face in a spectacular fashion.

But he didn't know until he gave it a shot, and since Jim had put himself out there to make the moves in the first place, the least he could do was return the favor.

He was in the process of running diagnostics on his tricorder when he felt like he was being watched. He hazarded a look up and found that Uhura and Spock were glaring at him. Well, she was glaring. Spock just looked mildly reproachful, but they had known each other long enough for him to realize the Vulcan was just biding his time. Obviously, word had gotten around.

Was it really asking so much that private conversations actually be kept private these days?

“You can stop that now,” he snapped.

The staring continued.

“No really, I get it. You're unhappy with me. Point's been made.”

The staring continued.

“I'm an idiot okay? I know this. And I'll handle it.” He raised his arms in a signal of surrender. “Just stop...stop looking at me. “

Satisfied, Uhura and Spock finally turned away from him. McCoy swore under his breath and the room once again became tensely silent. Ensign Richards looked curiously at her boss.

Scotty gave her an apologetic smile. “Um...energize?”

The transporter lights went up and swirled around the party, and then they were gone.

“Scott to transporter room, we made it okay. We'll call you when it's time for us to return.”

“Acknowledged, transporter room out.” Richards began recalibrating the transporter pad for three when the second team walked in. Chekov looked wired, Sulu neutral, and the captain looked pissed. Richards sighed. Not again.

“Have the others gone ahead?”

“Aye, sir,” she said while finished her task. The captain took his place in the middle, Chekov and Sulu on each side.

“I don't know how you're still upright, Pavel.” Sulu shook his head. “If I were you I'd be unconscious right now.”

Chekov hopped from one foot to the other. “Caffeine still in system. Calculate that I will not crash until Monday.” He suddenly brightened. “We should cliff dive!”

The pilot sighed. The thought of the Russian bouncing off the walls of their shared suite made him nervous. Without even thinking about it, he said “Do me a favor and see McCoy when we get back for a sedative.”

Chekov was about to ask why when the captain suddenly turned and glared at Sulu.

“Last I checked, we're in the middle of a mission. That means no talking about anything not related to the job,” Kirk suddenly barked.

Sulu winced. Obviously, the doctor hadn't come around yet. Chekov just looked at Sulu who gave him a look back that said _I'll tell you later_.

“Richards, are you waiting for an engraved invitation? Energize already.”

As Richards obliged, she couldn't help but think she wasn't paid enough for this.

\-----

The planet was beautiful, Jim decided. It was absolutely beautiful, and its citizens were warm and kind. And it was completely wasted on him in his current emotional state.

As reported in the dossier, the planet was M-Class and had ninety percent of its surface covered by water. The sky was a beautiful bright blue that could put Earth's to shame and it's seas matched. The city they were in, Besaid, had several inns and merchants right on the beach. It would make a wonderful place for shore leave.

After making the usual introductions and passing out the requested supplies, the town's summoner requested that they stay for a celebration in their honor. At first, Kirk had tried to politely decline but the young woman had insisted. His crew for the most part had looked pleased at the prospect, so he quickly acquiesced.

So here he was, watching his crew do their jobs and wishing he could beam back and hide in his room or punch something really hard or something. He wasn't much in a partying mood.

A hand suddenly fell on his shoulder. Assuming it was Sulu he looked up and instead was greeted by the last person he wanted to see. He jerked his shoulder out of the grip and he couldn't help but feel a little better as Bones winced. “Yeah?”

“I have those reports on the outbreak that you wanted.”

“Fine. I'll go over them later.” Kirk watched some children playing some sort of soccer-like game with Chekov. After a fashion he realized that Bones was still standing next to him. “You're dismissed, doctor.”

“There's something else, actually.” The doctor paused for a moment. “Can we talk?”

Jim frowned. “Pretty sure you already said everything that needed to be said.”

“I thought I had.” Bones felt like he sounded pathetic. He also felt like he didn't give a shit if he did or not. “Please, Jim.”

The captain still wouldn't look at him. “Fine. Talk.”

This was it. “You know, you really should have finished my list.”

“What are you talking about?”

He had already pulled the item in question up on his PADD. “Let me see, we already did one through four. Number five is 'I'm a lousy partner'. I am, you know. Not only am I foul tempered but I hide in my work and lash out when things get difficult. I leave my wet towels on the floor after a shower and I'm really bad at showing support. I'm the king of the backhanded compliment.”

The captain sighed in a particularly exasperated manner. “None of that is news.”

Bones scrolled down. “Right. 'Number six, I have issues'.” He smiled. “I do. Not just issues, whole subscriptions. There's a reason why I didn't date at the Academy, Jim, and it's not because of how busy I was. I just wasn't going to take out my hurt and frustration from the divorce on some unsuspecting soul who had the audacity to want to get involved with me. That wouldn't have been fair and I'm smart enough to know better.”

“Is there a point here?” Jim was obviously losing his patience.

“I'm getting to it.” He scrolled down. “Number seven is the most important one...'Jim's all I've got'.” The captain finally turned to face him, surprise all over his features. “I lost a lot more than my marriage, Jim, I also lost my best friend. I still can't even have a conversation with Jocelyn and it's been over four years. I ran away to Starfleet of all places, the whole thing fucked me up so badly, but then I met you and things were a lot better. The thought of us ending up like me and Jocelyn...it terrifies me. It terrifies me because I know it'd probably be my own fault and I can't go through that again. I can't lose you.”

The look on Jim's face was almost as if he was trying not to get his hopes up. Satisfied he wasn't being told to shove it, the doctor put his PADD away and kept going.

“I know I said some awful shit, even for me, and I'm sorry for that. And I see now how much you've been really trying and I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously.” He looked down for a moment before continuing. “I'm not saying that this will be easy. You're a reckless moron who gets choked more often than he eats breakfast and I'm a country boy that needs airsickness bags and “medicinal” bourbon in order to do his job. We both drink more than is healthy, you hog the blankets when you sleep and I drop the ball when it comes to remembering to do things like eat dinner. We both work too much, and on top of it our jobs are extremely dangerous and frustrating more than is reasonable. Everyone we're on this insane joyride with is constantly in our business and borderline crazy.”

“Bones...” Jim tried to interrupt.

“I'm not finished,” he barked. “God help me, you've been there more for me than anyone else in my life. I feel more right than not for having you around. You listen to me, you take care of me, you keep me honest, and you...you actually make me happy, Jim. The more I think about it, the more I see you were right and it'd be idiotic for us to not try. So, if you haven't changed your mind...I'd like to give it a go, for real this time.”

Throughout everything the doctor said, Jim's smile got bigger and brighter until it almost hurt to look at. Bones found he couldn't help but smile back knowing that he was the reason for it. “Yeah?”

Bones nodded. “Yeah,” he repeated. He took a step toward Jim, bringing him close enough to touch. For another long moment they looked at each other, contemplating the reality of the encounter and what it meant for their future.

Jim grabbed his face with both of his hands and kissed him. It was equal give and take, slow and perfect, and not unlike they were the only two people in the galaxy.

That right there...that was what made it all worthwhile.

“IT'S ABOUT TIME!”

Well, for a moment anyways.

The exclamation was followed by someone starting a slow clap. The clapping quickly turned into a full-blown round of applause and then there was more cat-calling. Jim started to chuckle, ducking his head down into Leonard's shoulder.

“This is unbelievable,” the doctor muttered as he blushed. The chuckling quickly became laughter and Bones somehow managed with his arms full of shaking starship captain to look completely irritated.

Sulu and Uhura were responsible for the applause while Chekov was jumping up and down; the three of them had matching grins on their faces. Spock merely nodded in approval. Scotty, of course, was alternating between the shouting and whistling.

“I'm going to kill them.”

“Oh whatever, they're happy for us.” Jim moved so they were facing each other. “You should be happy too.”

“I am but dammit, I feel like I'm on display.”

“Well, you should have thought of that before you gave me that beautiful speech in front of the entire landing party and the town's populace.”

Bones opened his mouth to retort, then closed it quickly. “I hate it when you're right.”

“Oh please, don't stop on our account,” Uhura called. “We've all earned this after your idiotic behavior this morning.”

“I'll show you idiotic mmmph!” The doctor was cut off by the captain kissing him once more. The Spirans had joined in this time as the cheering began again in earnest.

This time, they didn't stop.

  
 _Epilogue_

Several days later, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty, and Uhura found themselves relaxing by drifting down the lazy river together.

The water park was still going strong, much to Spock's chagrin. Although he couldn't really argue as productivity risen significantly as a result of its continued existence; he just pointedly did not go onto the deck after what happened the last time.

“Townspeople on Spira taught me new game,” Chekov stared up at the window and watched the planet's atmosphere swirl above them. “Think we could play here?”

“Probably not a good idea,” Sulu sighed. “The slides don't look that sturdy. We'd also have to flood the place and I'm pretty sure Kirk'd frown on that.” The ensign pouted and splashed his friend. No one on this ship was any fun.

“The captain and the doctor seem very happy.” Scotty adjusted his sunglasses and took a sip of his umbrella drink. “It's a little unsettling, isn't it?”

“You know, I have to say,” Uhura began, “I'm relieved that Leonard finally came to his senses; it really seemed like it was touch-and-go for a while. I wonder what changed his mind.”

“I may have given him a push.”

His friends all looked at Sulu in surprise.

“You, Hikaru?” Uhura rearranged herself so she was drifting backwards in order to get a good look at him. “How?”

“I ran into McCoy and he was obviously distressed,” he shrugged. “So I told him about how my parents nearly didn't get married because my mom had been hurt by some other guy.”

The other three were silent.

“Wait, didn't your parents have an arranged marriage?”

Sulu's grin turned wicked. “They don't need to know that, now do they?”

“You really lied to the doctor?” Chekov's eyes were huge.

“No.” Sulu shrugged. “Well, okay, yeah I did. But I didn't really have a choice, we all know he wouldn't have listened otherwise. It doesn't count if it's for a good cause.”

“Is that a fact?”

Sulu slowly turned to look up at the sound of the familiar voice.

That was definitely the doctor standing on the edge of the water with the captain right behind him. Kirk's eyebrow was raised and McCoy just looked...well he looked like he usually did.

Which is to say, annoyed.

Sulu's cohorts were all silent, the traitors. Finally, he slid off his inner tube and met the doctor's gaze head-on.

“I should run, shouldn't I?”

“Two minute head start,” Bones replied.

“Right.” He climbed out of the water and, ignoring the whistles from the life guards, immediately ran for the door without stopping.

“Two minute head start?” Jim obviously found the whole thing entertaining. “You're getting soft in your old age.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Don't you have a diplomat to piss off or something?”

Jim put a hand on his shoulder and jumped into the water. He then climbed into Sulu's now empty inner tube. Why waste it? “Go easy on him. It sounds like we owe him one.”

“Go easy? Now who's getting soft?” Bones walked to the door with a fond smile. Lucky for him, Sulu didn't stop to dry off and had left a trail.  
  
 _The End_  
[Chapter Four](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/19749.html)


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